By XIAO MEIMEI
BEIJING (China Daily Show) – Beleaguered men’s rights groups have declared that yesterday’s election of an all-male Politburo Standing Committee was a step in the right direction, as far as they are concerned.
“Men have a very tough time of it in China. We have to go to work and – you know, shit like that,” explained Peng Mei, of the All-Male Federation of Chinese Moutai Drinkers (AMFCM). “I tell you one thing, though – my wife doesn’t understand.”
There had been fears among some that a woman – Liu Yandong, a leading female member of the Communist Party’s Central Committee – could actually make it onto the so-called ‘Standing Committee,’ the tiny coterie of elderly politicians who essentially rule China.
Liu’s selection might have threatened the country’s burgeoning men’s rights movement, analysts say, at a time when many still see China as one of the few decent countries left on Earth where a guy can get his drink on any given Wednesday, maybe tap a ho or two with his work buddies after a rich banquet, and still make it to breakfast stinking of baijiu with little more than a cheeky grin and a swift comb-over.
“It was a very close-run thing,” admitted AMFCM treasurer Jin Didi, mopping his jowls. “Luckily, it didn’t happen in the end. Can you imagine, though? It would’ve completely salted everyone’s KTV game… I don’t even want to think about that.”
Liu’s non-selection was greeted with relief by the majority of middle-aged, married male officials, who also happen to make up the majority of China’s middle-aged, married officials.
“It’s difficult enough just getting out of the house every morning without my wife noticing,” muttered embittered Party Secretary for Agriculture and Whatnot Zhang Qishan, whose wide-ranging brief includes forced abortions and women’s rights.
“When I turn off my phone in the evening – that’s it. After another tough day at the office, I want to hit the bricks with my guy pals and, honestly, I don’t want to see another woman unless she’s in minimal hosiery and singing ‘My Way.’ Am I right, boys?”
Others cadres unswervingly agreed.
“I hesitate to use the word a word like ‘sausage-fest’ but – frankly – it’s five in the morning, I’m at a pretty nice level of being toasted, so let’s do this,” declared AMFCM treasurer Didi. “Who’s with me? Man, I love this place.”
Didi’s enthusiasm was also echoed by the country’s numerous male scholars.
“Have you ever heard the expression by Mao Zedong that ‘Men hold up the other half of the sky’? No? Well, write it the fuck down,” Chinese philosopher, writer and historian Ming Fei confidently slurred to reporters. “You guys are going to be using it a lot over the next five years.”
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