By XIAO MEIMEI
BEIJING (China Daily Show) – Beleaguered men’s rights groups have declared that yesterday’s election of an all-male Politburo Standing Committee was a step in the right direction, as far as they are concerned.
“Men have a very tough time of it in China. We have to go to work and – you know, shit like that,” explained Peng Mei, chairman of the Federation of Chinese Moutai Drinkers, adding, “My mistress doesn’t understand me.”
There had been fears among some that a woman – Liu Yandong, a leading female member of the Communist Party’s Central Committee – could make it onto the so-called ‘Standing Committee,’ the tiny coterie of elderly politicians who essentially rule China.
Liu’s selection might have threatened the country’s fragile men’s rights movement, analysts say.
Many see China as one of the last few countries left on Earth where men can get drunk on weekdays, visit a brothel with colleagues, and accept huge bribes without being judged.
“It was a close-run thing,” said Peng, referring to Liu’s nomination. “Luckily, it didn’t happen in the end. Can you imagine? It would’ve completely wrecked everyone’s game… I don’t even want to think about it.”
Liu’s non-selection was greeted with silent relief by millions of middle-aged, married male officials who manage to juggle a job with two mistresses and an ulcer.
“It’s tough just slipping into the spare room every morning without my wife noticing,” said one official whose wide-ranging brief includes forced abortions and women’s rights.
“After yet another tough day at the office, I want to hit the bricks with my guy pals and don’t want to see another woman unless she’s in hosiery and singing ‘The Moon Speaks For My Heart.’ Am I right?”
Party cadres unswervingly agreed.
“Have you ever heard the expression ‘Men hold up the whole sky’? No? Well, write it down,” property developer and published poet Mung Fei ordered reporters. “You guys are going to be using it a lot over the next five years.”