Alzheimer’s patient ‘has heard of Jeremy Lin’

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By LIN ANE
Health Correspondent

According to Ms Wilson, Jeremy Lin is 'such a nice young man' but never calls

CHARLOTTE (China Daily Show) –A woman in the terminal stages of Alzheimer’s disease has surprised doctors with a newfound enthusiasm  for NBA player Jeremy Lin.

Sarah Mae Wilson, 69, had long been considered a lost cause at the Carolinas Medical Center (CMC) in Charlotte, and her family had been making preparations to transfer her into full-time care.

But that was until last Tuesday night. According to eyewitnesses in the CMC community room, the New York Knicks’ Lin had just made a three-point jump shot to give his team a 90-87 win over the Toronto Raptors when a normally sedate Ms Wilson unexpectedly reacted with a series of expletive-filled remarks.

Since then, Ms Wilson’s intimate knowledge of the Asian-American point guard has shattered almost everything the medical community believes it knows about a disease that claims nearly 30 million sufferers worldwide.

“In her condition, there’s no expectation of even basic motor skills, much less the cognitive plasticity to take a word like ‘winning’ and combine it with the surname ‘Lin,’ to form the neologism ‘Linning,’” explained Dr Frank Jeffries, head of the geriatrics ward at CMC.

Indeed, perhaps even more inexplicable than Ms Wilson’s recovery is her enthusiastic embrace of the bizarre phenomenon known as ‘Lin-guistics’ – the relentless quest for puns on Jeremy Lin’s name.

“Super Lintendo –she claims to have coined that one,”said duty nurse Elizabeth Madison, who has been looking after Ms Wilson the last four years. “Her newborn enthusiasm and love of wordplay is both incredibly inspiring and highly irritating.”

Ms Wilson’s improvement has reportedly been as rapid, and just as dramatic, as Lin’s own rise to superstardom. The morning after the Raptors game, she reportedly asked a nurse, to open a “Lindow” and at lunch that day asked fellow diners to pass the “condlinments.”

“That one maybe wasn’t so good,” admitted Nurse Madison. “But to give her  credit, when Sarah saw me struggling with another patient yesterday, she called out, ‘Betty, don’t be so goddam Linient! Just shove those pills down her throat.’ I laughed so hard, I nearly dropped my armlock.”

There’s even evidence to suggest Ms Wilson may not be alone in having suddenly heard of Jeremy Lin. Professor Karl Snieder, a longtime Alzheimer’s researcher, says he learned about the curious case of Sarah Mae Wilson last Thursday. Failing to find any medical literature to explain her revival, he visited other patients he knew to be New York basketball fans.

Sure enough, some had also shown marked improvements.

“Lin’s dunk against the Washington Wizards last week has prompted a remarkable response from several otherwise-senile Knicks fans,” Professor Snieder told China Daily Show.

He cited Anthony Scagnetti, 82, an Alzheimer’s sufferer for 15 years. “The doctors were ready to pull the plug on him – the last rites had been administered by the family priest – when he suddenly asked them to ‘turn up the damned TV.’”

Apparently Lin’s dunk had made Scagnetti remember a fifty-dollar bet he had on the game.

Medical professionals in San Francisco, Chicago and St. Louis have also reported  improvements in patients, all with late-stage Alzheimer’s and almost all of them white.

Ms Wilson reacts to news that Jeremy Lin has never heard of her

“It’s as if Jeremy Lin has awaken something primal, something primitive in the human brain,” Professor Snieder said. “What these cases demonstrate is that the medical community, despite billions spent on research, really knows very little about the way the mind works. If a sport can rescue lost souls and allow them to wallow in infantilism, injecting them with purpose, what can’t be accomplished? ‘Linpossible is nothing,’ if you will.”

It remains to be seen whether these improvements have staying power. So far, however, the evidence is mixed. Ms Wilson, for example, remains unable to recall the names or recognize the faces of anyone in her immediate family.

Worse still, a day after the Knicks lost to the New Orleans Hornets, Ms Wilson told fellow residents they “can’t Lin ‘em all.”  Doctors say they didn’t have the heart to tell her the phrase was now utterly devoid of originality, having been used twice that morning in an Associated Press lede.

Follow this and no more Jeremy Lin updates on @chinadailyshow on Twitter.

 

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  • Borninbeijing88

    Nothing’s Lincurable…

  • Karl Smith

    Let he who is without Lin, cast the first stone.

  • Guoanster

    I’m sick of all these Jeremy Lin jokes. If anyone knows a website that doesn’t have them, please send me the Link

  • Patbler01

    It’s hard not to fall in love with him

  • Pingback: chinadailyshow.com

  • Torka

    In terms of athletes, he’s got nothing on Linford Christie

  • Meeyah

    “having been used twice that morning in an Associated Press lede.” OUCH…

    • 5 cents

      Right, should be “Lin an Associated Press lede.” Dolts.