APEC provides unique opportunity for Obama, Xi to disagree in person


Politics Correspondent

Auguries warn ne'er good comes of strong winds blowing from the West

Ancient auguries warn ne’er good can come of strong winds blowing in from the West

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – Citing the rarity of actual face-to-face meetings between world leaders, experts noted that today’s US President Barack Obama’s Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) summit with China’s Xi Jinping will provide a rare opportunity for the two politicians to strongly disagree on a range of matters ranging from Islamic State to Ebola and human rights while face-to-face.

“Absence of strategic trust between nations is typically demonstrated through mutual attacks in our respective media, or via diplomatic routes,” said Brookings Institute analyst Stewart Keating. “This meeting provides a welcome chance for leaders such as Xi, Obama and Japan’s President Abe to erode their bilateral relations in person.”

From climate change to cyberwarfare, insiders assured that there will be virtually no topic off the table for each leader to find fault with the other.

Experts point out that the cultural divide between pluralistic, modern liberal democracies and China’s secretive, repressive dictatorship is almost unparalleled in history.

“You almost have to laugh,” said Keating. “But you’d probably be better off stockpiling grain, water and ammunition.”

“We’re definitely expecting absolutely zero common-ground on any of the major issues,” confirmed one senior Pentagon official. “Whether we are talking about something as strategically beneficial as freedom of navigation in the high seas, or economically vital as upholding the rule of law, there is almost no topic on which our two nation’s governments are poised to agree.”

At the time of going to press, agreement had been cautiously reached to release a 245-word mutual statement later this week, affirming both sides’ commitment to strengthening economic ties and regional co-operation at some unspecified point in the future.

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