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Ping has been a tiresome member of the Party since its inception in 1921

Dear Communist Party Member,

I am hoping you can give me some scientific advice regarding my family’s sad situation. My husband would have written this as he is more eloquent, but unfortunately he is recovering from having his hands smashed repeatedly with hammers and clubs following his attempt to present a petition regarding our problem and is therefore currently unable to write, feed or clean himself.

Our modest home of 22 years was recently demolished in order to build a combination golf course, polo club and Formula1 racetrack as a recreation area for a big boss property development, Golden Boho Fortune Eternal that built by our provincial governor’s brother’s sister-in-law and her Hong Kong boyfriend.

Regrettably, we declined the generous compensation offer of 5 yuan per square meter at the time. As a result me, my husband and our 12 year old daughter are currently living under a bridge and subsisting on discarded box lunches, rainwater and whatever 1-fen coins kindhearted passersby care to throw at us in exchange for a hearty rendition of “All Northeast People Are Living Lei Fengs.”

Our daughter has been forced to leave upper primary lower middle school due to our plight and was working as a junior hostess in a karaoke bar until she was sexually molested by a drunken local official who said he mistook her for his 47-year-old wife. She is currently under medical detention as the case is being investigated in accordance with relevant laws and regulations.

The boils, collapsed lung and intestinal parasites I am suffering with due to the job I had at the unlicensed “Savory Melamine Sesame Monkey King Sausage” plant are not so bad, so I will not trouble you with that.

Yours,

Wondering in Wuhan

Communist Party Member says:

The operation of an organization depends on its cadres. Ever since its founding the Communist Party of China has attached importance to the role of cadres, and has formulated a complete set of principles and policies on the selection and use of cadres. Mao Zedong said that there had been two principles on the use of cadres in history: one was to appoint people based on their merits, and the other was to appoint people based on favoritism; the former was decent, and the latter, indecent. At present, the Party’s cadre policies aim to institutionalize and standardize the selection and appointment of cadres.

Next Week: Ask a hooker outside Smuggler’s at 4am on a Friday

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  • Tathman

    What luck! The blonde and deaf “miracle on (the corner of) sanlitun bar street”, generally regarded as a Korean national, will be available to answer questions?? there are a few things i have been meaning to ask her, not being able to do so in person… like, are u now experiencing or have you ever experienced irritation and burning, with distinct discoloration of the nether regions? and, have you been feeling sick or vomiting at all? particularly in the morning?

    • Kim

      She’s deaf and working on SLT bar street so what she really needs is someone like you to mock her further. Why don’t you just buy a drink and be on your way? Unless you know Korean sign language, she wouldn’t understand your impertinent questions anyway.

      • Pjdavis26

        Well said, Kim.

    • Leon_walsky

      Must be nice to have advantages in life so you can mock disabled person in a desperate situation.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=19700560 Doug Black

    Hahaha I love this website. The relevant parties are fully and correctly represented.

  • Anonymous

    With all pity and respect for the people living through this situation, absolute gold.