Ask an immaculately dressed West African gentleman loitering outside Yashow Market

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Dear immaculately dressed West African gentleman loitering outside Yashow Market,

I’ve just split up with my girlfriend of three years, and although I felt ready to move on at the time, I find myself unable to be with anybody else. I keep trying to initiate conversation with girls I find attractive, but whenever something seems to lead somewhere I find myself losing interest and thinking about my ex. After three or four terrible dates I’ve started to worry that I’m never going to get over her, but she’s already happy with a new guy and has moved back to the States. What should I do?

Desperate, Dongzhimen

 

Hey man. Why you never call?

Immaculately dressed West African gentleman outside Yashow says:

Hey! Boss! Hey! How are you? I’m Mike. Let’s talk, man. Where you from? You’re a cool dude, right. Cool guy. Like your shoes, man. Yeah. So, you like to party, boss? Dude? You like to smoke a little? You love to smoke, right, boss? Yeah? Where you from? Oh, yeah? That’s awesome, yeah.

So, you smoke, right? I got some good stuff my friend. Good price, man, best in Beijing. I’ll look after you, you’re my friend, man. That’s why I only charge you friendship price, that’s right boss. Give me your number bro.

Where you going, boss?

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