Beijing’s Office of Taiwan Affairs confident it can’t fuck things up any further

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By BAI WAN
Straits Correspondent

China's interference has been a boon for the Taiwanese flag industry

China’s interest has boosted the Taiwanese flag industry

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – As he prepared to lock up the office for the weekend, Beijing’s minister in charge of cross-Straits relations expressed confidence that his work was done, as far as fucking things up was concerned.

“I think we’re done here,” Wang Yi, chief bureaucrat for the Office of Taiwan Affairs, told reporters, while Taiwan’s voters flooded to the polls, where they are expected to elect a less Beijing-friendly government. “I’m going to rest over the weekend, so I’m fresh on Monday for the head-rolling and recriminations.”

In the last few months, Wang has helped oversee an effortless strategy to alienate Taiwan’s nervous electorate against the mainland, with tactics including both veiled and open threats, online trolling and swaggering foreign policy.

As Wang took questions about the landslide victory predicted for Taiwan’s Democratic People’s Party, an electoral shift that analysts have attributed to fears about China’s encroaching influence and the economy, the minister was to quick to share responsibility for his team’s winning PR strategy.

“I couldn’t have done this without our friends in the Hong Kong office, and of course, certain foreign forces,” a smiling Wang assured reporters. “There are many others who contributed as well – too many to list. Nevertheless, I have made a list.”

At the time of going to press, Wang was seen hurrying back to the office as reports broke of a Taiwanese schoolgirl, filmed waving a Taiwanese flag and smiling cutely, began to trend on PLA forums.

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