Bo Xilai acquitted


Legal Correspondent

The verdict proves that no one knows shit about China

The verdict confirms that no one knows shit about China

JINAN (China Daily Show) – Amid scenes of unheard-of courtroom drama in Shandong, former Chongqing Party Secretary Bo Xilai was this morning spectacularly cleared of all charges of embezzlement, misuse of power and fashion crimes.

Standing on the steps of the Jinan Intermediate People’s Court, a dark-suited Bo told reporters that he was delighted with the outcome – but not surprised.

“I always knew I’d win: I trusted in the system and knew my innocence,” Bo told a stunned media.

Asked what he would do next, a smirking Bo replied: “Obviously, spend time with my family. Then hunt down to the ends of the earth and revenge myself upon every single last one of the back-stabbing turtles’ eggs who put me here. As is my legal right.”

A baffled Tsinghua University legal expert e-mailed China Daily Show that the surprise acquittal was “probably a good thing..?”

“This really proves that China does has rule of law,” a confused-sounding Professor Zhang Beixing hesitantly croaked down the phone. “Doesn’t it?”

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