By KENDING YOU ZUIDE
QINCHENG (China Daily Show) – Bo Xilai’s stylist today unveiled a dramatic new look for the disgraced former Chongqing politician, currently awaiting trial for discipline violations in Beijing’s upmarket Qincheng Prison for Boys.
Quentin Li Feng, a former hairdresser to Mao Zedong, told China Daily Show that Bo’s makeover could help swing the verdict in his favor.
“It is a look that says : ‘I’m innocent, I’m sexy, I’m empowered, even though I’m wearing head-to-toe shackles and looking at some serious jail time,’” Feng argued.
“I have complete confidence in Quentin,” Bo told reporters while fingering his new beard with curled fingernails, similar to the ones on Lo Pan, the villain from Big Trouble in Little China.
The pair met while in shuanggui, China’s notorious detention system for corrupt officials, where Feng is currently serving a 40-year sentence for getting shampoo once in Mao’s eye.
“This look says the opposite of ‘Evil Chinese Official!’” claims Bo. “I really think it will help sway the jury.”
Reminded that China has no real rule of law or juries, and verdicts are predetermined instead by a panel of politically motivated judges, Bo stroked his curled beard for several minutes before quietly muttering, “Fuck.”