Breastfeeding woman ‘shocked’ to find nipples blocked by Great Firewall


Technology Correspondent

A message similar to this one, but in Chinese, and different, confronted one sensitive-nippled Anhui mother

HEFEI (China Daily Show) – A woman in Anhui province was stunned to find her nipples inaccessible when she came to feed her newborn yesterday morning, after overzealous Internet officials blocked the “sensitive” body region.

“I picked up my baby to feed him,” the mother told China Daily Show. “But when he got to my chest, there was just a Great Firewall [GFW] message saying ‘404 error: Due to relevant laws and regulations, this bodily region cannot be accessed.’ I pressed the area to try and refresh it but – nothing.”

The mishap comes as China undergoes widespread web-connectivity problems, following government fears of social unrest spread by networking sites. A so-called “Jasmine Revolution” initiated by Twitter users abroad failed to materialize in 13 Chinese cities Sunday but state concerns have meant residents across China have faced unusually high levels of censorship.

The woman, who has requested anonymity for fear of political reprisals, told how she had casually mentioned her nipples were “sensitive” to parents at a mother’s morning the day before. “I can’t imagine it’s down to that, though,” the woman said. She added that the message claimed her nipples “might have moved to another site” but a search of her apartment yielded no results.

“It is merely a case of political correctness gone mildly and benevolently eccentric, like a powerful, intelligent, wise, forgiving and lovable uncle,” noted Professor Ma Yaochang, a Renmin University legal expert and CPC member. “Sometimes the masses must suffer for the few.”

But Professor Ma would not confirm whether the incident was linked to the case of a young poet in Hebei Province who woke to find his entire fey persona had been blocked by the GFW. “It is a nightmare,” the man told China Daily Show by phone.

“I can’t access any of the features of my unique, sensitive personality that make my work popular. If this continues, I might end up having to take a job in the Ministry of Education.”

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UPDATE: The Anhui woman is now able to continue feeding her baby thanks to a paid proxy midwife. This development may be connected with sightings of a pair of disembodied Chinese nipples that “appear briefly and fuzzily in front of shoppers in downtown Portland, Oregon, before vanishing into the ether” according to a report entitled Nipple Riddle Baffles Mall Shoppers that appeared in this afternoon’s Portland Post.

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