Beijing bureau chief reluctantly submits upbeat China story


Western Media Correspondent

The blind pianist (left) and his deaf sister (right) hadn't seen or heard each other since their incestuous Culture Revolutionary days

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – A Beijing-based journalist for a US magazine has admitted to posting a Beijing news story today neither critical nor apparently prejudiced towards China.

Grady Einstein, Beijing bureau chief for Fores – a US golf magazine popular with Western imperialists bent on curtailing China’s rise – blogged afterwards that, although his articles usually involve such Western media tropes as “corrupt officials, workers’ rights, illegal detentions, food-safety scandals and off-the-charts pollution indexes,” he was simply unable to “drum up anything both newsworthy and negative” before his Tuesday night deadline.

He therefore posted a heartfelt and positive piece about a blind pianist being reunited with his deaf sister in the family’s Qing Dynasty-era Houhai home, which itself had recently been saved from demolition by sympathetic government officials.

“The usual bastards must have taken a day off!” Einstein joked in an interview with China Daily Show, before launching into a long-winded defense of his journalistic imperative to address issues of injustice and governmental malfeasance “regardless of which country said writer may happen to momentarily reside.”

Mr. Einstein vehemently denied being in the employ of Western governmental forces but admitted to feeling disconcerted upon receiving an SMS invitation to attend a lavish banquet hosted by delighted party officials from the Ministry of Propaganda.

The story drew few hits on Fores’ website, however, but managed to provoke a derisive comment from netizen paulchrysler, who jeered “Nice one, panda-hugger. Enjoy your 5 mao!”

But from Chinese netizen, lonelynoodles23, the self-declared “arch-narcissus” of Mr. Einstein, there was merely silence.

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