Welcome to the latest edition of Baijiu Nights, China’s number-three monthly nightlife listings guide!

Five-kuai drinks night Shaved Bar, Beijing (Thursdays)
You haven’t lived in China till you’ve seen an ageing Canadian redhead dry-humping a 19-year-old student. Free till midnight

Two-for-one wine barrels Elysium Wine & Cheese, Beijing, Shanghai (Mondays only)
Blow off the Monday blues by visiting our cavernously empty German wine bar on a weekday afternoon. Sip back on imported Riesling till your stomach swells – but don’t worry, the second barrel’s on us. Offer lasts until we abruptly shut four months after opening.

All proceeds from the DJ Klit concert will go to DJ Klit

DJ Klit Twat Club, Beijing (Sat 20) CD Bar, Guangzhou (Sunday 22, all from 11pm)
Reykjavik nü-house legend Klit brings his deep progressive beats – and his grandfather’s recipe for the Icelandic rotten-shark delicacy hákarl – to the Chinese capital for the sixth time in four months. Thousands of free shark samples to be sold. 60RMB (presale)/12oRMB

Les Entrees, accompanied by Simply Tartan Manhattan Club, Shanghai (Thurs, 25) The Brickworks, Beijing (Fri, 26)
Back by dope demand! Les is back in town, promoting his own charity – Les and Zany Youth’s Special Organization in Defiance of ME – which was formed in 1991 by Les and close friend (and fellow ME sufferer), breakdancer Zany Youth. Sadly, Zany died in 1992, wearily attempting a head-spin during one of his characteristically lacklustre shows – an incident for which Les himself accepted the Sealink Ferries Posthumous Stage Tragedy Award (1993). Les promises a vibrant tribute to his long-forgotten friend.

Staying In

Xinwen Lianbo (CCTV, weeknights, 7pm)
You give us a half an hour. We give you the world – or a deeply skewed version, designed to instill a morbid paranoia of overseas life that contrasts sharply with reassuringly anodyne shots of hard-working domestic politicians, assiduously shaking hands with similarly dull apparatchiks.

Late, late, late night with Chen Guangcheng (CNN, Sunday 16, 1am)
The sunglass-toting chat show host visits Taiwan to find out whether its people miss the Kuomintang dictatorship and swaps recipe ideas with Michelle Obama.

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Welcome to the second edition of Baijiu Nights, China’s number-three monthly listings guide!

GOING OUT

DJ Klit Twat Club, Beijing (Sat 11) CD Bar, Guangzhou (Sunday 5, all from 11pm)
Reykjavik nü-house legend won’t quit spinning deep, progressive trance until he’s paid. 80RMB

Ladies Night Tune Bar, Beijing (Wednesdays, till late)
Why waste good money on Rohypnol? Ladies get mix-drinks for free, while a guaranteed array of genuine douchebags gets to pay 30RMb apiece. Free

Faye Wong tribute night Singing Sisters KTV, Shanghai (Thursday 19, from 6pm)
A room, some sunflowers seeds, women and Chivas – all from just 5,000RMB per person. Prices may vary

The Beijing Players present… ‘Carry On, Nurse’ Polly Theatre (Weekdays, 8pm)
Critics said that a Chinese musical adaptation, set in a provincial AIDS ward, couldn’t – and shouldn’t – be done. This amateur expat production proves they were exactly right. 50-120RMB

Les Entrees, accompanied by Simply Tartan “Only M.E.” tour The Hutongster, Beijing (Tues 9, 8pm)
Les, who has battled back from a serious alcohol addiction he blames on M.E., famously supported The Krankies on the Stirling leg of their 1983 “Free Scotland” tour and is a previous recipient of the Sealink Ferries Most Dishevelled Live Act Award (1987). Tickets may seem pricey but, as Les himself quips, “I’m nae running a fooking charity. I’m promoting one – me. I mean – M.E.!” 250RMB

Li Hongmei: cat stroker

Staying In

Xinwen Lianbo (weeknights, 7pm)
Tune in for the habit. Stay for the lack of alternative.

The Li Hongmei Hour (Saturdays, 8-9pm)
The popular People’s Daily editor and writer (pictured, right) slowly reads out her weekly anti-US columns, while stroking a small white Persian cat.

Follow Baijiu Nights at @chinadailyshow on Twitter

Got an event? Let us know at cds@chinadailyshow.com

Welcome to the first edition of Baijiu Nights, China’s number-three monthly listings guide!

GOING OUT

Open-mic night. Best case scenario: no one dies

Open-mic night Jimmy’s Place, Guangzhou (Wednesdays)
Got talent? Take to the stage. Talentless? Even better. Free

Dialogue: Live The Leprechaun, Beijing (Wed 11, 9pm)
Join Tian Wei, Yuan Rui and others in this unfriendly Irish sports pub, for a live version of CCTV’s popular Dialogue programme. Timed to coincide with the last 30 minutes of a crucial Gaelic Cup semi-final, this should make for bruising viewing. 10RMB

Les Entrees accompanied by Simply Tartan “Only M.E.” tour Mao Steakhouse, Beijing (Tues 16, 8pm)
One of Asia’s favourite Scottish crooners is back in town for an extended tour. Les, accompanied by soulful electro-pipers Simply Tartan, tours China constantly, to promote awareness of the debilitating illness M.E. (better known as Myalgic Encephalopathy). 250RMB

Five-kuai drinks night Shaved Bar, Beijing (Thursdays, from 19)
This perennial nightlife classic brings a regular mix of under-14s and English teachers. Bring a fake ID – both of you. Free

The Red Wanda Cinemas (All month, Mon-Sun, 1430/1715/2030/2310)
Film. A plane carrying a troop of PLA missionaries, led by Li An-Ni Son (Chow Yun-fat), crashes in the Xinjiang mountains, where they are quickly welcomed by a group of remote Wakhi wolf herders, who have yet to convert to Communism. 20-80RMB

DJ Klit Smog Club, Beijing (Fri 20) C-D Bar, Guangzhou (Sat 21, all from 11pm)
Reykjavik nü-house legend, and founder of Burst Eardrum Unit, DJ Klit – aka Lars Olaf – visits China for the second time in six weeks.

An audience with… Yang Rui The Polly Theatre, Beijing (Sat 28, 8-11pm) PLA Opera House, Shanghai (Sun, 29, 9-11pm)
The CCTV funnyman offers anecdotes, recollections and smug self-criticisms from his glittering career. Open bar. 40RMB

STAYING IN

Li Hongmei: marbles

The Li Hongmei Hour (BTV, Saturdays, 8-9pm)
The popular People’s Daily editor and opinion-former (pictured) slowly reads out her outrageous weekly anti-US columns, while sitting snugly inside a small felt bag of marbles.

Late, late, late night with Chen Guangcheng (CNN, Sunday 15, 1am)
Early morning edition. The sunglass-toting chat show host chats to former President Jiang Zemin about his upcoming album and accidentally joins President Bill Clinton on a dinner date.

Follow Baijiu Nights at @chinadailyshow on Twitter

Got an event? Let us know at cds@chinadailyshow.com