Celebrity Chinese New Year resolutions: 2014 edition

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Clockwise (L-R): Bo Guagua, Zhou Yongkang, Li Na, Jackie Chan

Clockwise (L-R): Bo Guagua, Zhou Yongkang, Li Na, Jackie Chan

The dumplings are all eaten; the fireworks have gone out; but the gala is still going. There’s nothing left to do except make some Chinese New Year Resolutions. Here’s what the celebrities are vowing this year…

Ai Weiwei, artist – “Use the valuable freedom I have to spend more time on Twitter”

Zhou Yongkang, former security czar –  “Enjoy retirement. There are so many things I haven’t done, so many places I’ve never been. Prison, for example”

Jackie Chan, actor – “This is more a contractual obligation than a resolution, but I’m not allowed to talk in public anymore”

Yao Ming, former NBA star – “Make myself appear more exciting by checking into rehab. Can you have a math addiction?”

Xi Jinping, President of China – “Initiate Plan Nine: Phase Four”

Bo Guagua, son of Bo Xilai – “Live quietly. Watch… and wait. Get new Xbox One”

Shen Yueyue, President, All China Women’s Federation – “Invite Woody Allen to give motivational speech”

Li Na, Australian Open champion – “Take up a hobby. My coach suggests tennis”

Zhang Yimou, film director – “Spend more time with my babies. By which I mean, my films”

Make a resolution to follow @chinadailyshow on Twitter!

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