China announces ‘One Boyfriend’ policy

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By HU DAMAN
Relationships Correspondent

A woman checks what new regulations are currently infringing on her basic human rights

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – In a surprise announcement concluding this year’s National People’s Congress, President Xi Jinping said China will introduce a ‘One Boyfriend’ policy to maintain “correct moral order.”

The new policy, which will apply to all females under 28, stipulates that women may only have only one boyfriend before marriage. The move was quickly welcomed by the All China Women’s Federation as the ideal way to honor International Women’s Day.

“According to the decision on major issues concerning comprehensively deepening the love, the basic state policy of One Boyfriend will ensure coordinated moral and social development,” Xi droned.

The announcement was quickly welcomed by a broad coalition of overbearing parents, frustrated virgins, prudish neighbors and sleazy officials.

Experts say the ‘One Boyfriend’ policy will help fill the gap in authoritarian meddling and government intrusion left by the One-Child policy, which was reversed after four decades amid declining birth rates. Officials promise the new policy will be just as arbitrarily and callously enforced as the old one.

“This is a new way to raise revenue, and generally terrorize the local populace,” said a Ministry of Health spokesperson. “Fines, punishments and so forth – the opportunities for blackmail are practically limitless.”

The rules, which encourage women to marry the first man they date and have two children as soon as possible, are known as the “one plus two” policy or “One Boyfriend, One China.”

“I’m absolutely fine with the new rule,” male engineering student Bai Ling, 24, told reporters. “Because it doesn’t apply to me.”

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