China bear treats himself to new clothes, shave


Economics Correspondent

Gordo relaxes with a fast food-casual look

Gordo relaxes with fast food-casual look

NEW YORK (China Daily Show) – Just nine months ago, Gordon ‘Gordo’ Chang was looking to refinance his Fores column and sell his crocodile loafers. Now the sprightly 64-year-old’s fax machine won’t stop ringing.

“I think this is it, man,” Chang, who has been predicting China’s economic demise for over a decade, told reporters as he began excitedly shaving in preparation for an appearance on CNBC’s Squawk Box. “Finally, I’m going to get some goddamn respect round here.”

Hours later, the longtime China bear took a triumphant sashay down Manhattan’s Fifth Avenue, visiting various upscale boutiques which had previously given him short shrift.

“You work here on commission?” Chang asked a haughty saleswoman, while riffling through a rack of casual jackets. “Big mistake. Big mistake.”

For years, Chang has told anyone who’d listen that China’s turbocharged rise was an economic mirage bound to dissolve. For his pains, and books such as The Coming Collapse of China, he’d often been roundly mocked – now Chang, and similarly bearish observers, believe their apocalyptic predictions may soon be coming to fruition.

Hedge fund managers have been shorting the Chinese yuan, with some predicting the currency will lose more than a third of its value, plunging the equity value of financial institutions into catastrophic loss. If mass unemployment leads to wide-scale social unrest, the regime’s days could be numbered, Chang explained while dancing a jig.

A new edition is poised to publish

A new edition is poised to publish

“This is Chang we can believe in,” he repeated for the fourth time.

Others warn that China bears are getting high on their own supply – and besides, there’s little to be excited about if the country is plunged into turmoil.

“Obviously, no one wants to see that happen,” said Chang solemnly, as his phone began to ring again. “Hang on – this is probably Shambaugh.

“Oh my god, that was my publisher,” Chang shrieked a few moments later. “They want to do a reprint!”

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