China launches ‘100 Flowers’ campaign for foreigners


Foreigners Correspondent

Police respond to reports of a red-headed devil spotted lurking near a Chinese female

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – The Chinese government has launched an exciting new visa campaign, aimed at promoting better ‘inclusiveness’ for foreigners.

In a bid to make foreign nationals feel just as caught up in a rule-crazy bureaucracy as their Chinese peers, cities across the nation announced the new campaign – dubbed ‘100 Flowers for Foreigners’ – amid public fanfare yesterday.

The campaign encourages foreigners to merely approach their nearest police station, carrying their three ‘haves’ – a valid passport, visa and/or residence permit, landlord’s agreement or/and rental agreement, alien’s work permit and/or/and ‘foreign expert certificate,’ marriage license, bank details, invitation letter, plus their current thoughts on free-market socialism.

“The officers will then scrutinize the completed documents for some time, before announcing that there is a big problem,” promised Beijing public security spokesman Wen Ping. “It’ll be just like you’re authentically Chinese.”

Local communities have been asked to help encourage shy foreigners to come forward and have their day in the sun.

Expats in China can sometimes feel left out of its Communist society, experts say.

While their Chinese co-workers rush off for impromptu Marxism lessons or suddenly vanish into closed-door ‘bonding sessions,’ white-skinned employees are often left to wonder what the fuck just happened to the rest of the office.

Officials hope that the new rules will help foreigners in China acclimatize – or get the hell out.

Not everyone has welcomed the move, however. Younger expats have been overheard worrying that it could interfere with well-laid plans to get totally messed-up this summer.

The nostalgic campaign evokes Mao Zedong’s glorious ‘100 Flowers’ campaign of 1957, during which the then-Chairman encouraged intellectual and scholars to critique the Communist Party, urging: “Let one hundred flowers blossom, let one hundred schools of thought contend.”

Due to a severe natural drought at the time, though, many of those flowers sadly perished.

Police are determined not to let that happen again, promising to visit local watering holes to ensure that any foreigners there are well refreshed, well documented and well on their way back to their native countries.

“Come on everybody, it’s summer,” urged Ping. “Let all the foreign flowers come out and taste the rule of law!”

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