China urges calm after North Korean missile strike on China

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Migrant workers are being advised to save money and not return to Changhegong

By RONG REN
Defense Correspondent

DALIAN (China Daily Show) – China’s leaders have called for calm and fresh talks this afternoon, after a North Korean missile barrage reduced one of its border villages to ash.

Until yesterday, Chanhegong was a quiet fishing village near the North Korean border with a population of 160,000, known for its clear sea and mackerel.

By this morning, however, Chanhegong was a giant crater in the earth, best known for its two-headed fish, and a half-life of 72 years.

Experts believe a fireworks display at the village was mistaken for aggressive military action.

Pyongyang artillery rained down over 400 uranium-enriched shells on Chanhegong, in Liaoning Province, near the Port of Dandong,  after townspeople let off a number of firecrackers, Roman candles and sparklers during a temple fair.

Despite the devastating attack on Chinese soil, top Beijing officials showed no sign of wishing to retaliate, issuing a statement maintaining “firm opposition” towards any further nuclear strikes by its erstwhile ally.

“We will talk about this with [North Korea leader] Kim Jong-un, and urge resumption of diplomatic talks,” said Foreign Ministry spokesman Li Fu.

Tensions have been high on the Korean Peninsula since the 2009 sinking of South Korean warship the Cheonan and an exchange of artillery fire over the small island of Yeonpyeong in the Yellow Sea, followed by a series of missile tests in recent months. On all occasions, China, refused to join a chorus of international criticism and instead urged a diplomatic solution to resolving tensions.

Today, world leaders are asking just what North Korea has to do to provoke any kind of response from its seemingly placid neighbor to the west.

Earlier this month, two North Korean diplomats reportedly treated senior PLA officers in Beijing to an impromptu Three Stooges sketch, slapping their faces, calling them “knuckleheads” and repeatedly tweaking the nose of one general while chanting, “Nuk, nuk, nuk.”

The Stooges are among the Kims’ favorite vaudeville acts and are considered essential viewing among North Korean elites.

Last December, Kim Jong-un is reported to have kidnapped a Chinese border train loaded with gifts from Hebei and driven it around Pyongyang. “He was tooting the horn, laughing and letting off gunshots into the air,” an eyewitness told China Daily Show. “He also kidnapped a dozen Chinese peasants as souvenirs.”

Both events were dismissed as “fake news” by a Foreign Ministry official, who urged reporters to instead read China Daily to discover the real story about China.

Follow this and other breaking China news at @chinadailyshow on Twitter

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  • Great article, it almost seems real :-).

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  • longrope

    myself a transient ???, i salute all those who make light the task of bundling our persons (un)willingly onto a train.

  • Bob Smith

    Bit of deja vu on this one, you’ve published this before, haven’t you?

    • Bluto

      Have you not noticed that everything in China repeats itself? Wasn’t there another North Korean missile launch just a few months, with just the same response: same shit, different day dude

  • PuLi

    There are a lot of American humourless people in China. Come and join the fun loving cogniscenti. You might crack a smile. Life’s fun. Get out of Starbucks and forget pizza.

  • Inc

    Set up by US agents