Chinese official’s sex tape ruins local man’s whole day

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By BO BUQI
Internet Correspondent

Until last week, this man probably has a hotter girlfriend than you

CHONGQING (China Daily Show) – A netizen has spoken out, after a grainy video depicting a middle-aged Chinese official having sex with a nubile 18-year-old completely wrecked his morning’s masturbation plans.

Twenty-six-year-old security technician Ai Bing had worked out a whole, casual, pre-lunch auto-erotic schedule carefully in advance, and was mid-way through the first hour, when a friend set him a link to a video featuring Lei Zhengfu – a balding district county boss in Beibei, Chongqing province (pictured, right) – sweating mercilessly between the thighs of a young female.

“I promptly lost my mojo and have been unable to get it back since,” Ai complained. “It wasn’t just the moment that was ruined – it was the whole morning.”

The offending image of Lei – described as a “bug-eyed human variant of Jabba the Hutt” – partnered with a younger, far more attractive female, has been billed as the ultimate ‘naked official,’ epitomizing all that is wrong with China.

A ‘human flesh search’ conducted by web users quickly uncovered a network of nepotism and corruption involving Lei’s sleazy business dealings – but most agree it was definitely the sight of Lei’s corpulent, greedy frame looming over the petite frame of his anonymous mistress, that bothered them the most.

“Take my house, my job, my political rights, my freedom to speak,” said Ai bitterly. “But don’t touch my me-time.”

The stomach-churning tape has affected the hard drives of thousands of young men – but IT experts were quick to offer their professional advice.

“We get these sort of problems the whole time,” explained repairman Han Ziqi. “Have you tried turning it off, then turning it back on again?”

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