Chinese skipper snares, eats mermaid

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By JONAS WHALE
Environment Correspondent

Mermaids are traditionally open about baring their breasts but this little tease happens to be shy

DALIAN (China Daily Show) — There was an unexpected extra in Liu Xinpeng’s fishing net last week. A long day’s trawl off the coast of Dalian accidentally landed the unsuspecting skipper with the solution to one of mankind’s most abiding myths: the mermaid.

Along with the usual haul of mackerel, Li and his crew were amazed to find the stunned — but still alive — creature thrashing about at the bottom. The mythical half-woman, half-fish had apparently been snared unawares while relaxing in the warm tropical waters.

“She was dazed, and in her confusion dropped a mother-of-pearl comb, which later fetched a very decent price at market,” Liu told a China Daily Show reporter. “We were amazed by her large, naked breasts. Later, much later in fact, we noticed she had a long, silvery fishtail.

“I knew immediately there was enough food on her to last a month.”

After exchanging a few sentences with the mermaid, which apparently included the information that her name was Krill, and she was the 3,600-year-old last descendant of her kind, Li’s crew set about gutting and butchering the semi-piscine creature, long considered extinct.

Naturalists expressed amazement at the find.

“If the story is true, this is possibly one of the biggest upsets in recent scientific history and will completely rewrite our understanding of evolution, as well as provide research grants and new funding for hundreds of important biological endeavors,” Yale University’s Marine Biology Professor Davis Williams, who was unaware of the mermaid’s fate, told China Daily Show.

“As a side-effect, it might even encourage a new understanding of the importance of ecological protection laws.” Such laws may have prevented the discovery, last year, of Bigfoot on a Chinese menu.

“Anyone was says mermaids aren’t real can ask my wife and daughter,” chuckled Liu, as he chewed thoughtfully on a mer-rib. “They’ve been dining on one for the last week!”

Liu said he plans to sell the mermaid’s remains to a local museum, which will make a plaster cast of the skeleton and cover it with a plastic mould, before painting and displaying the result, and disposing of the bones in a nourishing medicinal soup.

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  • Anon

    Another cracker. Keep up the good work.

  • Guest

    I’ve heard that TCM specialists have conducted studies and found that eating mermaid is good for your swimming skills. Apparently you can find ‘mer-rou’ in certain restaurants in Guangzhou.

  • Seaworld

    don’t get it, sick!

  • Nita5412

    IF THIS MERMAID IS REAL I WANT A PIC

    • Loyans23demonz

       over

  • sarah

    NOOOOOO IF THIS WAS REAL WHY DID HE KILL IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Nita5412

    I agree. The the mermaid was real abd the last one of her species she should have left her alone and freed her instead of murdering an innocent creature… Now where is the picture saying this mermaid is real

  • Andrea

    are mermaids real? i admire them

  • MidnightFireHazard

    WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS DUDE! SHE WA THE LAST OF HER FRWEAKING KIND, AND HE EATS HER? HE’S PSYCHO !

    • LOYANS23DEMONZ

       WHAT A FUCK SEASHORE DOD,WHATS THIS ,THIS IS A KIND OF JOWK HAA,TELL ME RIGHT NOW FU CK

  • little mermaid

    have he gone insane???????? how can he think of killing it… i dont believe such crap .. i want proof

  • Chalojay7

    are these things real?

  • kierrah

    OMG mermaids r real i cant belive it!

  • Preeti Prabhjot786

    I m glad to know that they are alive   … but …. he shouldn”t have eaten her…………
    that”s why i dislike………….

  • Lululemons

    Omfg guys this is fake xD if it was real, he wouldn’t have eaten her anyway, he would’ve kept her and taken her to some place where he can get lots of money..and they’d probably post proof..idk