By TALLULAH JANE
WASHINGTON, D.C. (China Daily Show) –U.S. press secretary Dana Perino held a press conference today to tell the Chinese people to “stop being so CCP” regarding Tibet and the media. The comments came one day after a front page China Daily article, “Don’t be too CNN,” in which the English language Chinese propaganda machine called CNN a bunch of “goons and thugs” producing “junk” news.
“The Chinese Communist Party does not allow free speech because they are afraid of getting their feelings hurt,” said Perino. “They will censor the internet, blacklist you for appearing naked in films, or even kill kittens. We are alarmed to discover that young Chinese have learned and are applying the same methods.”
To stabilize the feelings of the Chinese people, the Whitehouse is calling for an immediate increase in hamburgers, fried chicken and pirated DVDs, Perino said.
“If this doesn’t work,” said Perino, “the president is considering military action to liberate the Chinese people from the brutal dictatorship of Chairman Mao. Tibet! Tibet!”
Chairman Mao, could not be reached.