Former security chief Zhou Yongkang will stand trial in Tianjin for “bribery, abuse of power and intentional disclosure of state secrets,” it was revealed today. The burly 72-year-old politician is said to have leaked hurtful details about current and former Politburo members including:
- China’s web czar Lu Wei once confused a MITM attack causing a DDOS with US sitcom Malcolm in the Middle
- Hu Jintao hates the colour indigo. It’s true!
- Former Hu protégé Ling Jihua’s biggest regrets are not getting Jet Li’s autograph when he had the chance, and going into politics
- Top officials once considered changing the name of Zhongnanhai, the leadership compound in central Beijing, to Our Secret Tree House: No Silly Girls Allowed!
- During a frenetic 2009 game of ‘knock down ginger,’ Wen Jiabao tripped over and broke his glasses. A new pair had to be flown in from New York on Bono’s private plane
- When former premier Li Peng first Googled himself, he burst into tears and would only be consoled with the blood of a Tibetan lama
- Wen Jiabao is fondly known as “Grandpa Wen” because he keeps forgetting his family has complete control over China’s precious gems sector
- Tough guy Jia Qinglin, who ranked fourth in the Politburo, can’t stand it when bananas go black and mushy
- Jiang Zemin’s nickname is “Toots”
10. Xi Jinping’s favorite film is Godzilla and his favorite US president is Truman
11. Zhou Yongkang used to own a favorite tan suit but had to sell it when he joined the Politburo