Here are 11 totally dope state secrets Zhou Yongkang is charged with leaking

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Former security chief Zhou Yongkang will stand trial  in Tianjin for “bribery, abuse of power and intentional disclosure of state secrets,” it was revealed today. The burly 72-year-old politician is said to have leaked hurtful details about current and former Politburo members including:

  1. China’s web czar Lu Wei once confused a MITM attack causing a DDOS with US sitcom Malcolm in the Middle
  1. Hu Jintao hates the colour indigo. It’s true!

    Jet Li: signature haunted Ling

    Jet Li: signature haunted Ling

  1. Former Hu protégé Ling Jihua’s biggest regrets are not getting Jet Li’s autograph when he had the chance, and going into politics
  1. Top officials once considered changing the name of Zhongnanhai, the leadership compound in central Beijing, to Our Secret Tree House: No Silly Girls Allowed!
  1. During a frenetic 2009 game of ‘knock down ginger,’ Wen Jiabao tripped over and broke his glasses. A new pair had to be flown in from New York on Bono’s private plane
  1. When former premier Li Peng first Googled himself, he burst into tears and would only be consoled with the blood of a Tibetan lama
  1. Wen Jiabao is fondly known as “Grandpa Wen” because he keeps forgetting his family has complete control over China’s precious gems sector

    A Politburo meeting was halted for two days while a new pair of glasses was fetched

    A Politburo meeting was halted for two days while a new pair of glasses was fetched

  1. Tough guy Jia Qinglin, who ranked fourth in the Politburo, can’t stand it when bananas go black and mushy
  1. Jiang Zemin’s nickname is “Toots”

10. Xi Jinping’s favorite film is Godzilla and his favorite US president is Truman

11. Zhou Yongkang used to own a favorite tan suit but had to sell it when he joined the Politburo

Keep tabs on state secrets with @chinadailyshow on Twitter

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