International despot poll shows overwhelming support for one-party government


Politics Correspondent

The poll represents the final word on Chinese democracy

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – A global poll of tyrants, dictator states and banana republicans has shown unilateral support for developing nations’ one-party systems.

The poll, commissioned by Beijing in association with the China Ruling Oligarchy People’s Survey (CROPS), shows a distinct lack of interest in democratic reform.

Asked by CROPS to chose between “Western imperialist democracy”, “gradual yet persistent persecution by the state, beginning with bureaucratic headaches and ending with imprisonment” and “the current system,” an emphatic 99.4% of Chinese citizens polled chose “the current system.”

The results effectively puts an end to the long-running debate concerning China’s political reform, according to Foreign Ministry spokeswoman and part-time children’s entertainer Jiang Wu.

“This poll shows that the Chinese people are in direct agreement with the government. Citizens are simply not willing or able to make constitutional decisions for themselves,” said Wu.

“This proves what we set out to prove.”

The White House has declined to comment on the poll – a tactic some rabid Chinese analysts have interpreted as a tacit admission of the complete decline of the Western governmental system.

But US political analyst Buffalo Chambers told China Daily Show: “It’s simply presidential protocol in response to any inane line of questioning.”

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