Lawyers terrorize defenceless town


Legal Correspondent

A human rights varmint on his lonesome yesterday

A human rights varmint on his lonesome yesterday

LIZHAI (China Daily Show) – The decent, Party-fearing citizens of a frontier settlement in Gansu say they were terrorized by last week’s arrival of a gang of lawyers, paralegals and clerks.

Restaurateur Li Yuan was sweeping his noodle shop for tumbleweed when the intimidating group of sharp-suited city types rode in from the windswept plains, asking questions about earthquake victims.

“They had legal pads and Weibo accounts,” said Li. “I had no choice but to do as they asked – I told those boys everything.”

After learning that members of Li’s family had been affected by a recent chemical spill, the prairie-dusted gang warned they would be in touch soon to discuss his options.

“One of them left loafer prints all over my clean floor,” Li complained.

After the ten-strong team of troublemakers took rooms in the town’s hotel, paying in advance, they unleashed their reign of terror.

“You never knew when the phone was going to ring, asking if one of us had been the victim of rapacious officials,” said one shaken citizen, pouring unsteadily from a bottle of whisky while mopping his brow.

Local party secretary Sui Ping was particularly alarmed when members of the Tsinghua-educated mob began hyping Sui’s role in illegal land sales.

“They done spooked me good,” Sui later admitted. “Heck, I thought I was the only law round these parts.”

The lawyers’ provocations were only brought to an end when a sheriff’s posse, wearing sunglasses and earpieces, came moseying into town an hour later to round up the white-collar miscreants.

“I asked them security fellas for warrants, but they said they didn’t need ’em,” shrugged hotelier Fang Li. “I wish I had their names, just so I could thank those decent, kind, anonymous lawmen.”

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