‘Let’s just do this,’ says impatient Bo Xilai


Crime Correspondent

“We got anybody from Chongqing in the house? Nothing to do with me, I hope!”

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – An exasperated Bo Xilai yesterday issued an impatient ultimatum to Beijing officials: just put me on trial.

The disgraced politician made his remarks at a weekend show held by prisoners at the Beijing No 2 Detention Center (B2DC). “It was a bit like Johnny Cash’s famous Live at Folsom Prison,” an anonymous screw explained of the show. “Only without Johnny Cash – or any live recording.

“We kept the prison part, though. Which is arguably the most important bit,” he added.

“What’s the hold-up? You’re collecting evidence?” Bo quipped to an auditorium of sunflower seed-cracking B2DC detainees. “Let’s do this: put me on trial already.”

Bo also wondered if anyone could tell him who the new Politburo Standing Committee was – no one was permitted to – and whether General Secretary Xi Jinping had “lost his phone or something. It’s always turned off,” Bo said.

The disgraced Chongqing Party Secretary has become a popular figure on the B2DC social scene, often seen working the mailroom or exercise yard with his trademark populism and neo-Maoist charm.

“He’ll come over during the lunch hour and ask if you’re enjoying the abalone. It’s a joke, obviously… but he makes you feel, however briefly, like you’re the only corrupt official in the prison,” recalled one dreamy-eyed convict.

Comedy experts describe Bo’s stand-up routine as Victorian music hall meets end-of-the-pier variety act.

“Take my wife, for example – oh, the police already did that,” was a typical quip.

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