By LUO GUAN
Railways and Corruption Correspondent
GRAND CAYMAN (China Daily Show) – Despite a recent report that detected “no signs of life” at the Ministry of Railways, a blueprint has been leaked to foreign media that shows an unannounced – but ongoing – new project.
The secretive high-speed rail line, that directly links Beijing to the Cayman Islands, was confirmed yesterday by officials from the island chain, who added that they welcomed their new numbered-account holders.
“This modern technology means that someone will be able to take a gigantic bung today to ignore basic safety procedures,” said a spokesman from Mafiabank, “and be on a bullet-train the next day, just in time to arrive for cocktail hour.”
The news has not been reported in China, however, for fear that it might contradict the findings of an advanced scientific probe sent into the Ministry of Railways, following the disastrous high-speed rail crash in July in Wenzhou that killed at least 40.
The probe reported back that there was “absolutely no sign of intelligent life whatsoever” at what remains of the world’s largest reactionary Stalinist bureaucracy. The words prompted officials to immediately begin burying news of the crash and replace reports with updates about the ongoing good weather.
“The citizens are thirsty for ice-cream – not depressing news,” scowled one spokesman at a recent press conference. The government is keen to move on from high-speed rail scandals, experts say, fearing that a hush-hush project, connecting state offices to a remote tax haven without an extradition treaty, could easily be misconstrued.
Nevertheless, news of the top-secret railway has prompted one department to respond with the final word on the matter.
“There is no further comment necessary, as this is a private line and will never be open to the public,” pointed out the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
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