Mystery surrounds the fate of Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370 since disappearing on its way from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing in the early hours of Saturday. Information has been scarce, with leads from officials debunked or contradicted by others within hours. These are the five most credible theories currently on the Internet (sic).
The Runway Theory According to this theory, MH370 never even left KL airport and is still taxiing around, waiting for clearance. Theorists point out that Flight MH370 has enough peanuts and fun-sized Coke cans for up to eight days.
Godzilla A remake of the Japanese classic debuts this summer – is the Asian flight’s sudden disappearance part of a viral marketing campaign?
Global Warming The melting of the polar ice caps and increased weather activity may have affected the space-time continuum enough to open some kind of temporary, cosmological portal, possibly to another dimension, according to amateur Twilight Zone enthusiast Joel Hendrick, 27. “I also watch Mystery Theater,” Hendrick explains on his ‘About’ page.
Putin Says 16-year-old Internet analyst ‘turkeydrumstickz’: “It’s pretty clear that the whole thing has been a set-up from the get-go: I mean, you have the IBM guys running the NSA’s entire Russian surveillance storage-program for the private sector, who just ‘happen’ to be sharing a cabin with 25 Chinese ‘artists’ (read: special ops) eight rows back, clearly embedded to run interference while Moscow diverts the plane to a secret black-site landing strip ready for extra-extraordinary rendition to Siberia, in exchange for which Beijing supports Putin over Crimea. Think it’s a coincidence that all this is happening at the same time? The rest of the crew gets a massive doping-brainwashing program then dumped back in the sea for evacuation. I haven’t quite figured out if the Malaysian pilots are in on it.”
Government conspiracy “You can’t trust the Chinese,” news website TheyreWatching.com points out. “Or the Malaysians, for that matter. Certainly not the Thais,” the site continues, outlining its theory that none of the facts add up and the entire inter-governmental search party is merely an elaborate hoax. “Don’t listen to any of them,” the site advises. “The Vietnamese – are you kidding?”