Long-awaited search engine shows the happy side of China


Panguso’s first image search result for incurable cancer (above)

Harmony Correspondent

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – Chinese officials moved this week to end decades of human-rights abuse, by launching a new search engine – one that purports to finally show the  “Real China.”

Within days, the government-sponsored search engine has already become the country’s leading search engine, the government says.

The site – named Panguso, just “because” say officials –offers reassurance to Chinese netizens,  many sick of Western search results that either offer a negative image of the motherland, or – as is often the case with Google – no results at all.

Top stories on Panguso include headlines such as  “Exhausted officials working too hard, experts fear” and “There is nothing to see here, all is well.” 

According to the site’s regular updates, China’s people are happy and successful but the government is still working hard to further improve the already-glorious situation.

With control over only television, newspapers, radio, Internet and education system,China’s ruling Communist Party badly needs a new medium to get its message across.

The fresh portal is providing netizens with local insights into the world of current events.

Xinhua editor Li Congjun praised its efficiency: A quick search for ‘China’ and ‘politics’ on the new search engine immediately yields one result, he explained.

“Panguso rapidly searches and checks all news items, parses them for irrelevant information and immediately returns the best result,” Li told a throng of selected journalists. “No more having to read conflicting news reports or coping with confusing volumes of information… just one clear, simple result.”

He added that Panguso provides interactive features that other engines lack.

“Through Panguso, the public can interact with the government,” said Li. “Those who look for certain terms will be rewarded with a form to fill out, with name, contact details and worst fear. Further searches will be rewarded with a personal visit.”

With the launch of Panguso, historical injustices are also being put right.

Most Western historians, for example, have conservatively estimated that around 20 to 43 million people died between the famine years of 1959 to 1961, entirely due to the government’s misguided agricultural policies. But Panguso results show that the real number has been wildly exaggerated and it is actually more like seven people.

Even more-modern, political myths are being debunked, says Li.

For example, typing in “Tiananmen’ and “Tank Man’ links directly to a page revealing that all that happened a long time ago and no-one really cares anymore. 

“Panguso shows us news evidently blocked by firms like Google!” declared regular Panguso user, and middle-school teacher, Xin Mashan. “I had no idea that, only two weeks ago, the Communist Party saved all of us from a giant Cloverfield-style incident, probably engineered by Japan.”

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UPDATE: 19/02/13 – Panguso has been renamed ‘Jike,’ in a bold rebranding push that happened almost two years ago, sources say. Struggling to recall the rationale behind the new logo, Jike marketing executive Bei Sha said that the name is “instinctive and powerful… When you look at the search results, your first reaction is,‘Jikes!’” 



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