Sex offenders ‘happiest’ in China: survey


Crime Correspondent

Foreigners may soon be afforded the same rights as domestic sex offenders, lawmakers predict

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – An online poll of sex offenders has declared China the number-one destination spot for foreign men wishing to practice non-consensual sex, German media reported yesterday.

The results come as tourist chiefs in several unpopular provinces began wooing foreign sex criminals with the recently reported news that China has no laws preventing homosexual rape.

43% of respondents to an annual 2011 reader’s survey by Mölest magazine, Belgium’s leading paedophile publication, said they would choose China as the top country to quietly hole up in and avoid detection in the event of charges being laid, beating previous winners Laos and Thailand into second and third places respectively.

Despite a last-minute campaign by the Cambodia Child Sex Tourist Authority and allegations of vote-rigging from expats living in Pattaya and Angeles, China comfortably beat off its nearest Asian rivals by a margin of nearly six percent.

Meanwhile, officials in Hunan Province have promised foreign teachers “minimal and perfunctory” background checks, adding that the prefecture’s warm climate, distinctive spicy snacks and Mao Zedong’s birth village were an added bonus. Anal rape also firmly complies with the “spirit” of current family-planning laws, Hunan officials pointed out to China Daily Show.

Previously, it was assumed by many perverts that authoritarian China was the least likely resort for them to seek refuge abroad. But a pair of recent legal victories for gay rapists has given miscreants a green light to indulge their hobbies without fear of persecution.

Wang Li (a pseudonym) went to police in December after her female work colleague allegedly “raped” her at home; police were unable to prosecute the case, as China has no laws covering same-sex molestation. In a recent similar case, a 42-year-old security guard was sentenced to just one year in jail for “injuring” an 18-year-old after raping him last year, as prosecutors were again unable to file a charge of homosexual rape.

“China is not the backwards, dictatorial state many Westerners assume it is,” said North American Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) spokesman and former priest Declan O’Flaherty. “In many ways, it is actually one of the most forward-thinking, liberal governments in the world, at least as far as homosexual rapists are concerned. Since the news broke, our website has been inundated with visa queries from NAMBLA members desperate to emigrate to a country where their views are not held in utter contempt by society.”

Gary Glitter smiles on hearing news that authorities promise to turn a blind eye if he takes up the 12,000 yuan/month teaching post

Disgraced former rock star Paul Gadd, who performed under the name “Gary Glitter” in his 1970s heyday, is currently said to be considering a post as Head of Musical Studies at the Changsha University of Applied Engineering and Culinary Studies,  according to Chinese state media.

The news was greeted with gloom in some quarters, however. Junior officers in the People’s Liberation Army, vulnerable middle-school pupils and inmates at China’s young offenders’ institutions were all reported to be “downcast and apprehensive” after hearing the report,  a CCTV bulletin indicated yesterday.

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