Shaun Rein to be ‘discontinued’: CCP

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By XI MEITI
Western Media Correspondent

If you're reading this article, Shaun Rein has blocked you on Twitter

SHANGHAI (China Daily Show) – The Shaun Rein spinbot has been cancelled due to “complications,” a source in the Chinese government said yesterday.

A one-line statement on Xinhua, the official news agency, stated simply that the Rein has been “discontinued” and will be phased out over a five-month period. But others suggest the reasons may be more complicated.

Unknown abroad, the Rein is nevertheless familiar in Chinese media circles as a popular media troll. Its columns, which invariably regurgitate the government line in the face of overwhelming evidence, are produced using WuMao 2.0 – state software that most observers believe is hopelessly out of date.

“The Rein has served the Party well but modern times call for a modern approach,” said a WuMao spokesman who refused to give his name. “Our internal studies showed no one ever actually listened to anything the Rein had to say, anyway.”

Insiders point to more public signs of cognitive dissonance, however.

According to some reports, the Rein was briefly detained last month after being found “naked and masturbating” at 3am on the Shanghai Bund. Witnesses report the Rein was gesticulating wildly, while clutching a tattered copy of an infamous 2009 Pew research poll, which claimed 86 of Chinese are “happy with the government.”

“The cops had to gently prise it from its fingers,” said one eyewitness. “It was covered with crazy-ass doodles but the Rein just wouldn’t let it go.”

Sources close to the Rein explained that the bizarre breakdown was brought on by stress and an impending sense that it was being “judged by God.” But the Chinese government is also said to be increasingly displeased by the Rein’s descriptions of itself as a marketing guru.

The Rein’s China Market Research Group (CMR) describes itself as the “world’s leading strategic market intelligence firm.” But when this reporter visited its Shanghai offices, we found only months-old newspapers and an abandoned desktop terminal, left open to a game of spider solitaire. A migrant worker selling bicycle parts nearby claimed to currently be CMR’s chief analyst.

Sources in Beijing added that the Rein’s marketing boasts were embarrassing, even for them. “The Rein was only supposed to make absurd claims about the Party – not its career,” fumed one strategist.

Not everyone is pleased to see the ageing spinbot go, however.

“It’s a sad day, in some ways,” said Grady Einstein, a writer for the anti-Chinese US golfing magazine Fores. “Who could forget the Rein’s hopeless attack on Christian Bale? Its description of the Great Leap Forward as a “mass diet”? Its defence of Tiananmen as a vital training exercise?

“It’s going to be very hard for the Party to replace the Rein with something equally misguided. Thankfully, that task could not be in better hands.”

Follow breaking China news at @chinadailyshow on Twitter

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  • http://twitter.com/chinadailyshow/status/185598314362839040 chinadailyshow.com

    Shaun Rein to be ‘discontinued’: CCP http://t.co/ZO91wsff

  • http://twitter.com/ichinadian/status/185615288128118784 Thomas·?

    #ChinaDailyShow: "#ShaunRein to be ‘discontinued’: #CCP http://t.co/SdKdv8AE" LMAO this is funny! #China

  • Thomas·?

    #ChinaDailyShow: "#ShaunRein to be ‘discontinued’: #CCP http://t.co/SdKdv8AE" LMAO this is funny! #China

  • http://twitter.com/shaunrein/status/185617215549227009 Shaun Rein

    Funny, satirical attack on me :) Gotta give credit to the writer on this one. "Shaun Rein to be ‘discontinued’: CCP" http://t.co/iEjJCjUp

  • http://twitter.com/zionhanswin/status/185621964776407040 Zion Hansen

    Shaun Rein to be 'discontinued': CCP | China Daily Show http://t.co/DrICuQ4S

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  • http://twitter.com/shaunrein Shaun Rein

    Very well done to the author of this. Funny satire. Enjoy the read. Cheers, The Real Shaun Rein

    • CCC

      Sure you do Shaun…

    • On the Corner

      also known by his cyber handles Intelligent designer, Dragon Dawn, Fizzy bubbler cannot be stopped” etc. : ) Shaun Dawn….

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  • http://twitter.com/wayale/status/186812569971994626/ William Yale (@wayale)

    I guess Eric X. Li, Shanghai venture capitalist http://t.co/1XrZHgco hasn’t gotten the message: Shaun Rein discontinued http://t.co/3RL3DgNy

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  • C. Devonshit

    I started reading his book and it was so boring I had to stop.  If you think reading his columns are bad…. Yawn. 

    • CCC

      This guy Rein is a suck up to the PRC government. Ironic his book was banned in China. The shear amount of bias he carries is enough to brush him off as N opportunistic talking head. His wife’s family were friends with Mao. That should tell you enough, basically that makes them elite on the same company of one of the biggest butchers in human history.

  • Bai Shoutou

    “It’s going to be very hard for the Party to replace the Rein with something equally misguided….I don’t think it is, really. You could try Martin Jacques (Why China Will Rule the World) which extrapolates a bunch of numbers to try to present China’s unstoppable economic hegemony in 2030. That’s nothing you won’t have heard already but former ‘Marxism Today’ editor Jacques also tries to emphasize China as a unique civilization-state with 5,000 years’ history and a strongly self-defining character (‘Zhonghuaxing’) that translates to a tributary vassal-state mentality towards its neighbours. How that kind of racist attitude can become hegemonic in today’s world is never really explained, but Jacques then says the new world order will not ‘be Chinese in the way that the previous one was Western’ which kind of belies the title. I don’t see what things like Confucianism or ‘Chinese culture’ have to offer modern people abroad, still less why China is a civilisation-state any more than Latin American, Eastern European or African claimed to be, or France’s Republic for that matter. Modern PRC has imperial stylings that it seems unable to countenance in public, but anyway… the book ultimately becomes as dull as ‘Devonshit’ says Rein’s is. And being dull as bathwater is what CCP manages to do so better than any other government around. Other left-wing deniers/ CCP apologists include Godfree Roberts (another Pew-spouting apologist; seriously, guys get another poll, as that one has all manner of caveats) and the daddy of them all: John Naisbett. You won’t recognize the name, perhaps because his (and wife Doris’s) latest book China’s Megatrends was such an overwhelming flop but he used to be a respected 1980s author of Megatrends. His China follow-up was essentially a 400-page press release for the CCP. Don’t listen to me, there’s a really good review here: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1971287,00.html

    Anyway, you just earned yourself a new (old) reader

  • http://justrecently.wordpress.com/ justrecently

    As for the Naisbitt 2010 opus, the first joke is in the title: The 8 Pillars of a New Society. The Book of Proverbs got by on seven pillars of wisdom (or cities) – but then, eight may be a luckier number, China is the older civilization, and this is a complex world.