Shenzhen Airlines tops worldwide ‘sluttiest stewardess’ poll

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By Shen Hou
Aviation Correspondent

Shenzhen Airline staff practice their new 'Crouching Tigress, Hidden Dildo' routine

SHENZHEN (China Daily Show) – “Sultry red uniforms,” “thigh-high dominatrix boots,” and “half-closed ‘fuck me’ eyes” were among the many reasons cited for Shenzhen Airlines (SA) topping a recent poll to uncover the world’s “Sluttiest Flight Attendants.”

A longitudinal survey of mainland travelers, inbound tourists and Hong Kong executives has ranked SA’s staff as having the “most Zhang Ziyi-esque” staff, the poll claimed. The findings yesterday sent SA stock spiraling, as netizens rushed to book unnecessary long-haul flights with the airline.

The 16-year study, commissioned by the Chinese Ministry of Tourism, relied on data taken from thousands of passengers, who were randomly given altered Arrival/Departure cards, bearing additional questions inquiring on the overall looks, luster and licentiousness of their mile-high hosts.

Han Ziwei, CEO of Kowloon Technologies, said that it was the first time he had filled out the customs forms both honestly and correctly. “I did pay more attention to the pre-flight announcements when they were combined with elements of burlesque,” Han told China Daily Show. “That was a very nice touch.”

Others cited SA’s Buddha-jumps-over-the-cleavage jade trinkets, worn and sold by the Shenzhen xiaojie on all international flights, and the needless but generous amounts of ass-to-shoulder bumps while sashaying up and down the aisle.”

The airline narrowly beat previous front-runners Cathay Pacific, who in 2009 responded to the recession-hit airline industry by replacing their entire fleet of flight attendants with the Cathay Vodka Miniature Minxes, a bevy of laid-off white-collar workers who serve up sky-high Smirnoff-with-a-smile to tired businessmen.

Labor costs meant Cathay's Minxes (above) were only available in Business Class

Bottom of the poll was British Airways, whose entourage of bleached-blonde housewives offering warm Zinfandel and cold comfort was deemed “rundown on the runway” by irate pollsters.

SA plans to celebrate the win with a series of gala private flights and has promised to replace current in-flight movie The Founding of the Republic with the “zestier” new 3D version of Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy.

The move is part of  the airline’s ongoing series of re-branding in response to the poll, which will see powdered rhinoceros horn served instead of the usual packet of wasabi-coated peanuts, and SA’s trademark red caps updated with a barber’s pole protruding from their peak.

 

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