Survey: More and more Chinese looking at US democracy and thinking, “Nah, thanks”


Politics Correspondent

Chinese readers will be spared months of exclusive POLITICO analysis of candidates' day-to-day foibles

Chinese readers will be spared months of exclusive POLITICO analysis of candidates’ day-to-day foibles

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – A snap poll of Chinese citizens has found that many are increasingly warming to the notion of a faceless totalitarian state, if the alternative is American-style democracy.

The survey of disgruntled petitioners, disenfranchised lower-income laborers and beleaguered white-collar workers agreed, by a majority of 84 percent, that China’s highly secretive appointment of well-groomed apparatchiks to serve the boundless venality of state-run enterprises was “preferable” to the current US electoral system.

China’s 1.4 billion citizens will be spared the Republican primaries, and will not have endure 16 months of obsessive media scrutiny between two centrist candidates’ pre-ordained, remorseless march to the White House

“What is the point – just what is the fucking point, really – of Ted Cruz even running?” asked one bewildered Chinese cab driver. “Or Rand Paul, for that matter.”

The survey also found that just three hours of sitting in a hotel room watching CNN, MSNBC, NBC or Fox News was enough to completely sour most Chinese viewers to the appeal of one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

“All we want is decent education, proper healthcare, clean air, equal rights, a decent civil society, proper rule of law and, sure, free speech would be nice,” conceded one human rights activist. “But if that means having to endure a Clinton-style campaign, followed by an inevitable, self-satisfied coronation, all masquerading as the greatest democratic process in the world – then count me the fuck out.”

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Most respondents noted that China already had a plethora of interchangeable officials mouthing tired, meaningless rhetoric. “We don’t need any more,” said one. “No democracy… please.”

A further 43 percent pointed out that, unlike the Clinton and Bush dynasties in America, no one in China is being forced to vote for Mao Zedong’s grandson.

“A stagnant political apparatus, run by wealthy elites for the benefit of bloated capitalists? We’ve already got that,” one respondent declared. “At least ours can build high-speed rail.”


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  • Timothy Wing

    Never has satire been more correct.

  • Brainwashed@TECOL

    The thing is, America isn’t the only democratic model out there. Why are they so obsessed with America?