By QING DING
Ancestors Correspondent

Mid-way through the NPC, Major-General Mao Xinyu suddenly has a great idea for a screenplay

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – The grandson of Chairman Mao Zedong has spoken of his dissatisfaction at being the revolutionary Chinese leader’s closest living relative.

In an extraordinarily frank interview, extraordinarily promoted Major-General Mao Xinyu laid bare his soul to the media, saying that the public perception of him as being merely a “jovial intellectual” is only half the story.

“I’m actually very insecure,” he admitted.  “Because of that, I ignored the teachers at schools and my weight ballooned.”

Mao – who lists his interests as “philosophy, calligraphy and the multiple applications of lard” – also complained about the attention his famous grandfather bestowed upon him.

“Public expectations are too high,” Mao said. “I can’t even fall asleep in the National People’s Congress without people noticing and pointing it out.”

He blamed this insecurity on his grandfather’s legacy, which includes a man-made famine that left 40 million dead and numerous political purges throughout the 1950s, 60s and 70s, as well as some good stuff.

“In truth, you never know if people are looking at you and thinking ‘thank you’ – or ‘fuck you,’” Mao chafed. “To some, I represent the founding of a strong China. To others, Grandpa’s the guy that ruined their  life – and sometimes, that of their parents. And, quite possibly, grandparents as well.

“It’s different strokes for different folks.”

As a consequence, Mao claimed, he now has few friends. He fell out with one close pal, fellow socialist founding-father’s grandson Kim Jong-un, after Kim allegedly grew distant and aloof.

“Kim beat me at a couple of pie-eating contests in Switzerland – no biggie. But then, after he took the throne, he simply became impossible,” the warrior-like Mao seethed. “Just rude and downright murderous.”

Some childhood friends, such as the Gaddafis Jr and Uday Hussein, Mao has lost touch with. Others are simply wanted by international crime tribunals.

But Mao reserved his biggest scorn for the grandchildren of the much-loved late Chinese premier, Zhou Enlai.

“Zhou’s grandkids get all the respect that should be my birthright. Everyone thinks Zhou Enlai was wise, decent and upright but the fact is, he murdered a ton of people too.

“It wasn’t all Grandpa’s fault. He was actually right 70 percent of the time. People forget that.”

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‘At least I’m not the grandson of Lin Biao or Hu Yaobang!’ Major-General Mao joked with reporters. Both are now auto-parts assemblers

By JONAS WHALE
Culture Correspondent

Conroy is now considering the consequences of his forgetfulness over a cigarette break

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – A foreigner who came to China to study the culture has admitted he “completely forgot” about last weekend’s Dragon Boat Festival.

American student Dwayne Conroy instead says he spent the last three days watching US television, instead of doing whatever it is the Chinese do to mark the holiday.

Conroy told China Daily Show that he has been “immersed in Chinese culture” for nearly six months but had still not been prepared for the annual summer festival.

“I completely missed it,” Conroy admitted, his eyes red with apparent emotion. “All the festivities. The traditions. All that shit… missed it all.”

Conroy blames his unusual lapse on the long-discontinued HBO series The Wire. 

“I happened to mention to a buddy of mine from the States, Carl, that I had never seen the show,” Conroy recalled. “He seemed personally offended that I hadn’t.

“The next thing, I knew he just turned up at my dorm Thursday night with a DVD box set, a carton of Cheerios and a bag of the good stuff. Then he said he wouldn’t leave until we’d watched at least two seasons.”

In the event, Carl stayed until Saturday, then fell asleep.

“Carl woke up at two that day, looked at his watch and bolted out the door. He left the DVDs behind, though, so I kinda ended up watching them.”

In the ensuing Wire-athon, Conroy admitted neglected both his studies and his girlfriend but says “all that’s under control” now.

“The one thing I can’t forgive myself for, though, is missing this ancient festival, which dates all the way back to 2008,” Conroy continued, looking sorrowfully out of a nearby window. “Man, I am such a doofus.”

Conroy admits his lapse of memory was particularly insensitive at the time, as the festival has only recently been retrieved by China after being stolen by the Koreans.

Conroy did at least make up for some of his remissions by preparing his own form of zongzi, the special glutinous rice dumplings usually enjoyed on Dragon Boat Festival, while adding his own “special ingredient.”

“I’m gonna bake it for my Chinese in-laws next year,” a bleary-eyed Conroy vowed for the third time. “It will most likely blow their minds.”

Conroy then paused to ask what he was talking about, before resuming his thread.

“I will totally get involved in next year’s festivities, whatever the hell they may be,” Conro enthused after a brief period of unconsciousness. “I’m trying to convince my Chinese family right now to race a home-made boat to Shenzhen.

“Man, I’m gonna love Duanwu Jie.”

As for The Wire, it’s unlikely the show will come between Conroy and his beloved cultural heritage again.

“It’s OK but it’s pretty darn slow,” Conroy complained. “I’ll probably just stick with watching quality stuff in future, like True Blood. Or maybe… no, I’ve forgotten.”

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Lunch break’s not a problem. She’ll have an IV drip later

Editor’s note: this year, nine million students sat their gaokao, a standardized exam that determines college admissions. This intense exam can be the key to a student’s social status and future. Here’s a selection of the questions.

Literature 

China has four novels. Name them. [10 marks]

Logic

List ‘pi’ up to as many decimal points as you can. [20 marks]

History 

Celebrate any dynasty from the following (Han/Song/Ming), then explain how much better things are today. [60 marks]

Mathematics 

Boss Li has four factories making electronic parts. He smokes 40 cigarettes a day but usually gifts a box of 400 Chunghwas to his local inspector when they meet every month to discuss safety standards. His wife has a taste for expensive French clothes and Boss Li has two daughters who intend to study overseas.

His workers are unhappy, however, over Corporate’s decision to send a dispute resolution ‘baseball team’ to the family of a worker needing compensation for the arms she lost in a mechanical accident last year.

With a strike looming, the local environment bureau is also asking awkward questions about why Boss Li didn’t consult them before dumping toxins at a local beauty spot and his favorite mistress is demanding a new Jeep Cherokee. How big is Boss Li’s stability maintenance fee this year? [10 marks]

Sociology:

A 70-year-old grandpa in a rural village would like to donate his house to a local developer, who has good friendship with the municipal boss, county vice-magistrate, and a regent at a university who is a Party cadre. How far away, in kilometers, from the city center can the grandpa expect his new home to be located? [20 marks]

Philosophy:

Who was Confucius? [10 marks]

Current Affairs:

‘Western media coverage of China is biased’ Agree. [50 marks]

Essay questions:

A horse walks into a restaurant. The restaurant manager says: ‘Why the long face?’ Discuss. [200 marks]

Please list, in bullet-point format, the Twelve Ways ‘to be creative’ in China. [300 marks]

What am I thinking? [500 marks]

EXAM ENDS

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By SHI FU
Education Correspondent

This undated photo shows educator Kyle Majors charming the pants off an impressed student in School Bar

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – A fearlessly edgy English teacher has spoken out, after having had his visa denied by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs – effectively expelling him from the country.

Kyle Majors, 27, told media that his tough stance on education at the Beijing University of Technology & Agricultural Pesticides made him a thorn in the side of the administration  – and by extension, the Beijing government.

Majors’s class – ‘US sitcoms, 2004-present’ – was described by the teacher himself as “utterly uncompromising in dealing with the political reality in China.”

Majors recalls he first blew his students’ minds during an episode of season one of Game of Thrones, in which he casually compared Joffrey to Mao Zedong.

“There were a few nervous titters,” Majors recalled. “Since then, I have been taking it further and further.”

Majors’ academic-awareness campaign has included absenting himself from Saturday-morning classes, striding onto campus wearing a ‘Tiananmen Tank Man’ T-shirt and persistently mispronouncing the names of Zhao Ziyang, Hu Yaobang and Fang Lizhi.

But it was his outrageous observations on the recent Bo Xilai case that needled the faculty most says Majors, a former high-school student and McDonald’s junior operative .

Others partly agree with Majors’s assessment.

“I would certainly describe Kyle as an irritant,” agreed fellow pedagogue Jim Anderson, a PhD candidate in Ming Dynasty studies, currently doing archival research in Beijing.

At least one student backs up his claims.

“After reading about Neil Heywood, Kyle asked us if anyone would want to poison him,” recalled Li, a student in Majors’s sitcom class. “We all agreed it was highly probable.”

It was shortly after the Bo case broke that Majors had his visa application declined, forcing him to leave the country and travel to Thailand.

Local police claim the decision was made after discovering a drunken Majors curled between the feet of an unconscious prostitute, with an expired tourist visa. The former teacher dismisses this as “a convenient lie, although it’s partly true.”

Majors says he now joins the ranks of such enemies of the Chinese state as blind dissident Chen Guangcheng and recently exiled Al-Jazeera correspondent Melissa Chan.

“They can remove me but they can’t silence me,” Majors insists. “I have a new gig now at a kindergarten near Bangkok, teaching Buddhism. I won’t be afraid to expose the truth about Nirvana – and who really killed Kurt.”

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[UPDATE: Majors has since informed us that his sudden expulsion may, in part, be due to a recent series of New York Times exposes,concerning the financial affairs of, among others, Premier Wen Jiabao.  “They don’t want to make the NYT reporter a martyr,” explained the bitter pedagogue. “So they take it out on me.”]

By TIANTIAN XIANGSHANG
Education Correspondent

Fortunately, Chen will not have to witness such shocking sights as this

BEIJING (China Daily Show) –  Human rights workers have warned that the Chinese government may attempt revenge on blind student-activist Chen Guangcheng through a series of elaborate university hazing rituals.

A controversial deal, brokered by US officials, has allowed disabled lawyer Chen to join his family and safely attend law school, following a dramatic escape to Beijing last week.

The Chinese also threw in a sweetener: Chen’s wife would not get beaten to death, in exchange for the mild punishment of having to stay overnight in Chaoyang Hospital.

But many have suggested that Beijing cannot be trusted to stick to its promises and will come down hard on Chen, once US officials leave after Spring Break. Some reports even indicate the deal is already breaking down.

Chen is considering a number of tuition options, including the offer of a Baccalaureate in Advanced Metalwork at the University of Nottingham, but is said to be leaning towards continuing his legal studies at the Beijing Number 4 Law and Agricultural School.

After enrolling as an undergraduate, Chen can look forward to canteen food, 10pm curfews, dorm life, weekend homework and many other student delights, typical of Chinese universities.

But there will also be unpleasant aspects to Chen’s life on campus.

Insiders say the house Chen has applied to join – Phi Kappa Delta , whose motto is “Firmly Support the Central Committee” – is a staunchly state-affiliated fraternity, and plans are said to be afoot to greet Chen with a series of arcane and unpleasant hazing rituals.

“Forget chugging beer bongs. This isn’t gonna be panty-raid stuff. We’re going to hit this mofo with some serious, press-ups-in-the-rain, Code Red shit,” claimed an excitable fenqing freshman, who had recently viewed A Few Good Men.

Plans seen by China Daily Show include paddling, waking Chen up with a bullhorn and the odd mild beating.

But Chen is said to have supporters elsewhere on the Number 4 campus.

“I heard this Chen’s some kind of blonde activist,” said Dragon House fraternity brother Bai “Bluto” Lushe. “He should come here. We goddamn love blondes.”

Spring Break is traditionally the period in China in which underprivileged scholars and persecuted human-rights activists attempt to escape illegal detention. Chen travelled all the way to the US Embassy to post his application to study law and Hillary Clinton, in town for trade talks, personally wrote his letter of referral.

Government sources meanwhile denied Chen’s escape was a humiliation for them.

“The guy was blind and sick. How the hell were we supposed to know he’d get out?” argued one Linyi official. “This could have happened to anyone. Nobody saw this coming – nobody except Chen.

“OK, that’s quite ironic,” he admitted.

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Sample questions from Chen’s upcoming state-hazing exam

How many blind activists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Correct answer: None. Under China’s benevolent 2009 Disabilities Act, blind people are prevented from participating in any dangerous activities, such as changing lightbulbs, crossing roads or representing defendants in court.

 How long is the distance between Linyi, Shandong province and Beijing?

Correct answer: Many hundred of miles, across mountains, rivers and forests that often prevent decent authorities in the capital from detecting certain potentially wrongful activities being committed by a few corrupt cadres in the countryside.

 Is it legal for a Chinese person to escape his kidnappers and enter a foreign embassy?

Correct answer: While the legal answer is technically ‘no,’ from an extralegal point of view, it is extra-illegal for a Chinese citizen to hang out with foreigners and make a scene that might embarrass certain parties and hurt the feelings of the Chinese people.

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By TIANTIAN XIANGSHANG
Education Correspondent

Benvolio's image was once used to sell everything from Western-style cutlery to hair perming kits

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – The mystery behind the spread of “Chinglish” – an Asian version of English that commonly includes weird and wonderful verbal contortions – appears to have finally been solved.

The bizarre alternative language has been conclusively traced to Mario Benvolio, an illiterate Spanish-American teacher who emigrated to China in 1981, where he quickly became its foremost authority on English teaching.

At the height of his fame, Benvolio, the illegitimate son of an itinerant blonde hippie and a Chilean dictator’s son, was China’s top-selling author. In 1983, his Easy Learning is English series outsold Quotations from Chairman Mao by sixteen to one.

Benvolio regularly taught rallies of up to 50,000 students where his catchphrase –  “Now is time for punching the English books!” – became a national rallying cry.

Yet today, little is known of the millionaire linguist.

Documents seen by China Daily Show demonstrate that the man who would one day come to be known as “Big Nose Teacher” spent his formative years in a Mexican detention centre, where he learnt English from Spanish-language TV.

“It was his dearest wish to some day become a teacher,” said ‘Pablo,’ one of his former cell guards. “Probably because he never had one himself.”

Benvolio originally came to China to learn guitar, with the apparent hope of forming a Uighur prog-rock group. He ended up changing his plans, however, after being mistaken at the border for a Turkmenistani rebel leader and badly beaten.

“At this time, China was opening up and looking for foreign experts to come over and aid in their development, of which English learning was critical,” said Sir William Buckfast, a noted expert on China affairs. “But this was thirty-odd years ago, so they were accepting anyone. The teaching environment remains much the same today, in fact.”

On being released from jail, Benvolio agreed to teach English at Beijing’s top Communist Party School, where his fame quickly spread.

“I love English, in China is good, but also the applauding. Whereas, so happy now, it makes me smell,” he was quoted as saying in a 1984 copy of People’s Daily – by which time he was making upwards of 5,000 yuan a week in book royalties.

The linguistically-challenged pedagogue went on to marry four times, sire seven children and was interviewed in some of China’s most influential and respected publications.

“Now a days to learn English, it is necessary for the every people,” Benvolio told That’s Lanzhou magazine in his last interview, explaining  the popularity of his English-teaching textbooks. “Most of people use the English in foreigner. And as China is a ‘developer country,’ it also increases the life standing.”

After 1992, though, Benvolio gradually receded from public view, and was replaced by a succession of similarly inept teachers from developed countries such as the US, UK and Sudan. But the legacy of his teaching lives on in menus, street signs and posters across the nation.

As for Benvolio himself, the once-iconic English teacher has not been seen in China for over a year, having decided to return to the US to support Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign.

The Republican nominee’s standing has since declined in the polls. Benvolio, meanwhile, has been detained indefinitely under the Patriot Act.

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Advice and tips from Easy Learning is English (1981)

Food: “In the USA, it is fine to eat with just the knife and the fork with the spoon, and maybe it is the pizza restaurant or a Japanese place or any restaurant is fine.”

Filial piety: “It is most important you to study hard learn English for futuring times, but also lovemaking with your father and the mother all the day.”

Studying: “Doing the examining when you are go to college. Please to say one day hope you speaking English as best as me!”

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Benvolio personally oversaw the English-translation work on much of China's modern urban signage

By TIANTIAN XIANGSHANG
Education Correspondent

Cooter, pictured here at a recent PTA meeting, says his heart is no longer in the job

HANGZHOU (China Daily Show) – An English teacher has spoken of his sense of betrayal, after an attractive student’s plea for extra assistance turned out to be nothing more than that.

“There’s this girl in class. We’ll call her Bright Eyes, because that’s what she calls herself. She’s always giving me funny looks,” irate teacher Earl Cooter told China Daily Show. “So one day, right, she comes up to me after class.”

According to Cooter, Bright Eyes spent several moments shuffling her feet before shyly requesting assistance with an application for a fellowship to an Ivy League university.

“I like to help out where I can, so I offered to take her out to dinner. So I could, you know, get to know her better. Information such as her interests and whether she has a boyfriend could prove vital when writing up her personal statement,” Cooter reasoned.

After several informal mealtime conversations and an intense Q&A session back in Cooter’s Hangzhou Number 4 Technical University apartment, he agreed to write the statement on the condition they maintain contact.

“I think it’s vital to continue these assessments for as long as it takes,” Cooter explained.

Shortly after preparing the statement, Bright Eyes’s application was accepted. She begins her term in the US next year – but Cooter is dissatisfied at the outcome.

“I was delighted to accept her invitation to a lavish celebratory dinner. But was naturally surprised when she introduced me at the restaurant to her brother, father and some long-term fiance she’d never even mentioned.”

Since then, Cooter has received no acknowledgement for his selfless extracurriculaur assistance, other than a card, bouquet of flowers and an assortment of vouchers for a local foot-massage parlour.

“I feel betrayed and let down,” Cooter said bitterly. “I’m speaking out now as a warning to other teachers. Be warned: some of your students may not have ulterior motives.”

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BY DU QISHI
Health Correspondent

Public bathroom – or death trap? For many, it’s a bit of both

GUANGZHOU (China Daily Show) – A group of female sophomores – angered at conditions in their campus restrooms – suffered a setback yesterday, after three of their members died during a protest.

“‘Occupy Restrooms’ was never going to end well,” shrugged local police chief Xi Zheng. “This tragedy could have been prevented if more men had been consulted.”

At least six female students began to suffocate during a proposed four-day movement in the male lavatories at Guangzhou Number 4 HGV Training University this week.

The “Occupy Restrooms” protesters, a nod to the anti-Wall Street group, are complaining that long queues for female toilets are unfair. But, as of yesterday, waiting for a slash was the least of their worries.

Campaign organizer Wang Yu, 19, and five others succumbed to flatus eighteen minutes into their heavily publicized squat-in. Officers eventually dragged them to safety but three later died.

The incident brings the total number of deaths in Chinese toilets this year to 189. With the country facing growing water shortages, local governments have been instructed to take a ‘hands-off’ policy towards cleaning public bathrooms.

Critics point out that maintaining appalling hygiene is a costly business. Surplus methane gas from factory farming has to be pumped in via concealed vents, animal corpses smeared on walls weekly and floors must be doused several times a day with ammonia and menstrual blood.

But economists point out that not cleaning restrooms also frees up enormous quantities of caustic chemical fluids, which can be used in China’s food and beverage industry.

To drive the message home, a national-level campaign has been mounted to discourage people from using public bathrooms. “Take a step backwards; then another. Now walk out the door,” reads one, while another simply asks: “What’s wrong with the gutter?” Several public hospitals are even offering a free set of anal stitches with selected childbirths.

The campaign is aimed at diverting funds to the “shocking shortcomings” in facilities provided for public officials. Shi Xiaobian, an expert, said that China’s government buildings lag behind those of Japan in terms of providing safe, comfortable, computer-assisted bowel relief to the elite.

“Some visiting officials are being denied the lavender soap when they visit provincial-level buildings,” he said. “This has to change.”

Last year, one senior offical reported that a malfunctioning bidet caused him to miss the turtle course at an important banquet. Another is even suing his own department, claiming that a lack of quilted two-ply in the handicapped bathroom had had disastrous consequences for his silk long johns.

But there was some good news, Shi added: a rural campaign to promote shitting in the street had “gone viral.”

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By SAICHE SHOU
Education Correspondent

Han Han poses in uniform for 'Attitude' magazine

SHANGHAI (China Daily Show) — Naughty schoolboy Han Han may be in trouble again, after challenging a neighborhood bully to a race – and winning.

The doe-eyed “Diet Coke of dissidents” reportedly got into a spat with classmate “Big” Dao Gu, 12, when the latter stole his lunch money during class recess.

Rather than risk his good looks, Han suggested a soapbox race down a nearby hill to settle their score.

But local police say the pair’s race-off infringed on public space and was a traffic misdemeanor. Thus, even though he won the battle of the karts, Han still stands to lose — to the long arm of the law.

The adorable blogger has been a thorn in the side of authorities at the Song Jiang No. 2 High School ever since graffito in the boys’ changing rooms, accusing one teacher of being “smelly,” was traced to Han’s school locker.

The errant schoolboy has since written quasi-critical articles on the school’s Intranet, questioning its canteen policy, bus schedule and curriculum.

His recent refusal to meet with the visiting headmistress of foreign faith school the United Church of America earned him further rebuke.“She’s just a silly girl,” Han pouted at the time.

Teachers are now exasperated for the youngster’s future.

“If Han doesn’t pass his exams, how will he succeed?” asked one. “There is no way to prosper in life if you fail the Chinese education system. What is he going to do, race cars? Write blogs?”

But it seems cops can’t stay mad at the cherubic Han for long. After confiscating his boxcar and giving him a stern ticking-off, police chief Wen quietly slipped Han a hundred yuan: a kickback for winning the race.

The same can’t be said for Big Dao, who claims Han cheated and he wants a rematch behind the school’s bicycle sheds — an event which could lead to more trouble but also possible corporate sponsorship, experts say.

So far, the Nescafe-sipping Han has avoided detention — but his sulks have earned him an embarrassing public rebuke from his mother.

“I’ll take away his blog privileges if he carries on like this,” Mrs Han warned him via China Daily Show, adding that Han should start showing more filial respect by “ceasing to slouch, sitting up straight and taking his hands out of his pockets.”

“And brush your hair,” she added.

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UPDATE: Han Han won plaudits recently for an essay-writing competition in which his winning entry, ‘On Racing,’ demonstrated the breadth of his knowledge and learning: “Having traveled widely throughout the school grounds, I can say with confidence that everything is working well,” he wrote. “We shouldn’t then knock the school, otherwise the whole education system might collapse — even though that system has produced a great deal of embarrassingly low-quality students.”

At the prize-giving ceremony, Han accepted his award from a tearful headmaster,  adding, “The fact I have won this award proves the system actually works, despite what I may have cheekily suggested in the past. Them were just jokes, baby.”

By Liang Mianpai
Education Correspondent

Li narrowly beat Johann Hari to win the 2011 People's Daily Excellence in Journalism Award

HONG KONG (China Daily Show) – A Tsinghua University literary professor was detained at Hong Kong airport after being caught with a laptop containing “vast quantities” of lowbrow US sitcoms and straight-to-DVD releases, customs officials reported yesterday.

Professor Li Xiwang (pictured, right), known to his students as Lao Shulian – or ‘Ole Hamsterface’ – has long taken a hardline attitude in class towards “vulgar” foreign influences on Chinese culture and is widely known for his self-regarding pomposity.

But he was said to be carrying several terabytes of downmarket material, including a complete boxset of The Big Bang Theory – a poor quality American series  immensely popular in China – when he attempted to march through security Wednesday.

According to a police report, “the suspect began fidgeting and sweating when asked if he had anything to declare.” After his bags were searched, police found a laptop decorated with purple glitter and Transformers stickers.

Xiwang initially claimed the material belonged to a student but later admitted it was his after a raid at his home found ‘Sheldon’-style clothing, multiple seasons of Growing Pains, and DVDs including Sharktopus 3 and Hall Pass.

Hardened cops described the find as “deeply upsetting.”

A so-called expert on Confucian values and journalism ethics, Xiwang has carved a highly respectable name for himself in China as a two-faced shill for the government, preaching media openness and universal values to the West while serving as an obedient Party mouthpiece at home.

This discovery of further duplicity is certain to cement his reputation as one of China’s leading academics, experts say.

“In an atmosphere of rank hypocrisy, abuse of position, plagiarism and conflicts of interest, it is very hard to distinguish oneself in China’s faculties,” said Fang Lu, Professor of Studies at Shanghai Number Four Catering University. “Professor Li Xiwang is undoubtedly one of the few to rise above that fray… and still remain thoroughly tainted.”

But although China has begun concentrating some of its expanding geopolitical clout on homegrown satire, the incident also highlights the country’s growing problem with poor-quality imported comedy.  Experts say Xiwang’s collection represents the  “one of the biggest personal hauls of sub-prime sitcom in China” and some are now pressuring the government to do more to defend the borders against lousy Western exports.

In July, a gigantic cache of aging shows, including complete editions of Married with Children and Charles in Charge — thought to have been destroyed by authorities in the mid-1990s — was discovered in a convoy “heading for the provinces.”

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