Tag Archive | "Hong Kong"

Jackie Chan breaks promise to wife that he’ll shut the fuck up for the next five minutes

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Jackie Chan breaks promise to wife that he’ll shut the fuck up for the next five minutes


By CHU CHOU
Media Correspondent

Jackie Chan considers not saying something, then decides to go ahead anyway

HONG KONG (China Daily Show) – An impassioned promise to his wife that he will “just keep [my] fucking mouth shut for the next five minutes, OK?” was broken by Hollywood actor Jackie Chan, mere moments after leaving his lips.

The promise was made following a series of much-publicized interview gaffes, including a recent chat on Qiang Qiang, a Hong Kong talk show, in which the subject of Chan’s notorious nationalism came up.

The once-loved chop-sockey star then proceeded to embarrass himself with a series of eye-wincing statements, including his observation that “America has the most corruption in the world!”

Following the interviews, and a slew of off-air domestic diatribes about everything from the state of Hong Kong cinema to his children’s Western influences, Chan’s wife issued the profanity-strewn ultimatum.

However, as he was watching an interview between Oprah Winfrey and disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong just 45 seconds later, Chan leapt from his La-Z-Boy and hurled Cantonese insults at the screen, imploring long-suffering spouse Joan Lin to “Look, see, how corrupt US is in the sports… and then the Olympics in China…”

Reports indicated that Chan’s spluttered diatribe came to a faltering halt almost as soon as he made eye contact with Lin.

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Personality vacuum blows into Hong Kong

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Personality vacuum blows into Hong Kong


By HAN DOVER
Two Systems Correspondent

The charisma chasm is predicted to  settle over Zhongnanhai until autumn

HONG KONG – Events marking the 15-year anniversary of Hong Kong’s return to the mainland were overshadowed this weekend by the arrival of an ominous personality vacuum.

Streets were cleared and shops shuttered yesterday, as the black-suited typhoon – dubbed ‘Hurricane Hu’ – gusted through the semi-autonomous southern financial centre at a stately six miles per hour.

Last night, the dancefloors of Lan Kwai Fong were deserted, as party-goers battened down the hatches in anticipation of the buzz-kill.

The normally crowded Victoria Park, the site of a June 4 memorial this year that attracted some 150,000 supporters, resembled a “Nevada desert shooting-range,” according to one resident.

“It’s populated,” he observed. “But only by morons who don’t know what’s going on.”

Local media say they are struggling to cover the ramrod-backed mainland front.

Counter-directional questions on matters such as rule of law, the June 4 verdict and universal suffrage were strongly buffeted, as reporters took cover from Hu’s icy glare.

By this morning, the city’s normally efficient metro system – deemed by many the best in Asia – had descended into well-mannered chaos.

 Tense queuing was marked with excessively polite apologies and one man, reportedly found openly eating a burrito, was quickly surrounded by irritated commuters, all urging him to refrain from anti-social habits.

Experts say the vacuum could bode an ill wind for Hong Kong.

Meteorologists admit that they have not experienced such a phenomenon this side of the Kowloon peninsula since 1997, when sales of custard tarts dipped to an all-time low.

Then, the royal barge of departing British governor Chris Patten left the city harbor under the gaze of a force-six waxwork grimace from the incoming administration.

Today, the after-effects could be even more pervasive.

“Forces such as Hurricane Hu tend to herald a decline in democratic rights and freedom of speech,” said Professor Daniel Chung of Hong Kong University, who has dubbed the controversial effect “global chilling.”

Mainlanders, meanwhile, were happy to get on with celebrating the historic occasion.

At a remote PLA barracks in Sheung Shui, around 40 Chinese tourists were treated to a feast of chicken feet, sponsored by Louis Vuitton.

The buffet was followed by a celebrity flag-raising ceremony, with Hong Kong actor Jackie Chan struggling to hit the high notes of “I Love My Motherland Even More Than My Mother,” as the typhoon-force tropical depression Doksuri began to hit the city-state.

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Cash-strapped Edison Chen offers staff new pics, no Christmas bonus

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Cash-strapped Edison Chen offers staff new pics, no Christmas bonus


By SUN WUKONG
Entertainment Correspondent

Rumors that Shou Shou might appear were confined to a desultory image of Chen wordlessly flicking through a car-model catalogue.

HONG KONG (China Daily Show) – Loyal staff in disgraced actor Edison Chen’s retinue are said to be “disgusted” after the star recently proffered them new sex snaps featuring “inferior production quality and content” in lieu of cash.

The new material, described as “deeply disappointing,” is said to include grainy footage of Chen’s seemingly unaware ayi bending over to empty a wastepaper basket, filmed from behind a Venetian blind.

Housemaid Jenny Wang had been hoping to buy an LCD television and a “fistful of toys” with her Christmas bonus from Hong Kong actor-singer employer Edison Chen but was last night having to consider other options.

“Edison used to be so generous,” Wang told China Daily Show. “Tips, bonus, perks – you name it. But this month, after working overtime several nights, I found a signed CD of his all-time greatest love songs in my envelope instead of the usual paycheck.”

According to sources, the erstwhile star has a history of using “Chen-morabilia” as a form of currency ever since his giant career suffered a massive setback in 2008, when thousands of explicit photographs erupted on the Internet featuring Chen in sexual poses with various well-known Asian actresses.

Recent examples include paying for a steak dinner with a lock of hair, settling a poker debt using the leather jacket he wore to the premiere of Dog Bite Dog and reaching a deal with angry bailiffs by offering his entire back catalog of unreleased experimental hip-hop in place of interest payments.

But the value of such trinkets is said to be declining. One staff member watched aghast as online bidding on a pair of black swimming trunks, worn by Chen on the cover of the May 2005 issue of Invasive, a celebrity gossip magazine, started and ended with her “enticingly low” offer of 0.99 HKD.

The star plowed millions into security following the pictorial emissions, but staff say Chen has so far had little luck arousing interest from new Chinese starlets in his upcoming independent project, “Untitled Edison Chen Film.”

He has therefore had to devise other ways to fill up the cracks in his dwindling financial situation.

Gardener Paul Kwong described his initial excitement on being handed several CD-ROMS marked “Unseen 12/05/09 HOT!”

“Edison said, ‘The lawn’s never looked so good: enjoy. Merry Christmas,’ then slapped my buttocks playfully,” Kwong recalled. “When I got home, I rushed upstairs to my computer, thrust my disk into the slit and readied myself for some celebrity split-beaver.”

Instead, Kwong watched a five-minute film of Chen’s two golden retrievers –Raspy and Mittens – engaged in shambolic, abrupt sex while being filmed on a mobile phone, during which Chen could be overheard breathing heavily.

“The camera was bobbing up and down uncontrollably,” said Kwong, who stopped viewing when the picture became too blurry and unfocused to properly enjoy.

“It was more ‘ruff, ruff’ than ‘woof woof’,” he later complained to reporters.

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