By BAIBAI LINGLINGQI
Entertainment Correspondent

As this picture illustrates, James Bond is actually a pretty dull guy who hangs out with cars all day

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – China’s vast array of Party-watchers breathed a collective sigh of relief yesterday, after hearing that the latest Bond film, Skyfall – originally scheduled for release Friday – has been indefinitely postponed.

As the country gears up for the excitement of the 18^th National Party Congress (NPC), starting November 8, few want any other entertainments to distract them from the political hooplah.

“Thank God. I was concerned that the 23rd Bond film, starring Daniel Craig and Javier Barden as villain ‘Silva,’ might possibly overshadow the charisma spectacle that is the 18^th NPC,” said Professor Cao Lu, head of Political Re-Education at the Ningbo Regular University of Angling.

“Fortunately, that’s not going to be the case. They just canceled Skyfall instead.”

Admitting that the intriguing predominance of the ‘M’ character, played by Dame Judi Dench, as well as the casting of such veteran British screen luminaries as Ralph Fiennes and Albert Finney, present an enticing cinematic proposition – even for those not normally interested in the classic spy series – history graduate Liu Feng, 22, says she’s delighted she won’t have the difficult choice of deciding whether to follow every move of the new Congress or catch the latest Bond movie instead.

“Now my November and December can be 100 percent, non-stop NPC. After all, it’s all anyone in China, or anywhere else for that matter, can think about,” Liu shrilled, adding that the slew of extra security measures in Beijing provided an added bonus. “These hundreds of minor inconveniences remind us all how about how much we really give a heck!”

While the majority of China’s 1.4 billion cinema-goers agreed the film’s postponement was a good thing, some felt that it had not gone far enough.

“I hope they block the Internet, too,” enthused 19-year-old online gaming addict and NPC junkie Zhao Rong. “Oh, they already have.”

Propaganda official Cao Peng Wang says the cancellation of Skyfall has galvanized Chinese movie audiences, most of whom were glumly anticipating 10 days of political Viagra.

“There is time and place for critically acclaimed Western blockbuster,” Peng Wang warned. “And it certainly not China in November stability period.”

Chinese academics also pointed out the pointlessness of a fresh instalment of the long-running action movie franchise.

“Do we really need another Bond movie to enjoy the spectacle of a megalomaniacal foreign villain bent on world domination?” Professor Cao pointed out. “No. I didn’t think so.”

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By SHUO CHANG
Political Correspondent

Bing Chaxue is believed to have wrested control of the O.G. faction away from Cao Nima during a drunken argument at the 2010 Playaz Ball

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – A political turf war has resurfaced after an obscure Shanghai lawmaker promoted “Ice-T Thought” at this year’s Two Sessions legislative body.

Bing Chaxue, a National People’s Congress (NPC) delegate from Shanghai’s notorious Fubai District, left the rubber-stamp legislature in uproar after  comments denouncing grass-roots hostility against corruption.

“Muthafuckas bes’ step up and quit their bitchin’ ’bout corrupt officials,” Bing told shocked delegates. “Corruption lead to extreme forms of protest, like petitions and rude-ass blog posts. Certain bo-janglin’ members of society bes’ not hate the Playa… but by all means we should  re-examine the Game.”

Bing, best known for a notorious “Home of the Bodybag” homelessness reduction program, was last year criticized for his role in brokering a Hong Kong tycoon’s takeover of 12 Shanghai orphanages.

But despite his relative obscurity outside the city, Bing is a pivotal mover in the so-called Shanghai Playaz, a militant O.G. faction of the CCP that dates back to President Jiang Zemin’s tenure.

The Playaz follow an ideology known as Ice-T Thought on a platform of “Four Reprazents,” inspired by American actor, gangsta rapper and all-round P.I.M.P. Ice-T, whose body of political philosophy (his songs include “Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous,” “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy,” “Grand Larceny” and “Forced To Do Dirt”) appear to speak volumes about Shanghai’s political elite.

“By 2006, Ice-T Thought with ‘Chinese characteristics’ was the dominant ideology in Shanghai, epitomized by the drive-by slaying of [Vice-Minister of Transport] Ma Xiaobei,” said Professor Yao Qiang, a Renmin University legal expert and NPC delegate.

Bing’s comments have enraged members of the Shanghai Fifth Plenary Committee, known in Pudong as the Wu-Tang, who still blame the Playaz for Ma’s unsolved murder.

“Mr. Bing pretends to grasp the principles of Law and Order but overall should be denounced as a little bitch,” Hu Jingfan, a hard-line Wu-Tang figure, and fierce opponent of the Playaz, told China Daily Show.

Bing dismissed the criticisms. “The country is ready for straight-balling political reform along socialist lines,” he said. “Feel me now?”

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