By SUN WUKONG
Entertainment Correspondent

Rumors that Shou Shou might appear were confined to a desultory image of Chen wordlessly flicking through a car-model catalogue.

HONG KONG (China Daily Show) – Loyal staff in disgraced actor Edison Chen’s retinue are said to be “disgusted” after the star recently proffered them new sex snaps featuring “inferior production quality and content” in lieu of cash.

The new material, described as “deeply disappointing,” is said to include grainy footage of Chen’s seemingly unaware ayi bending over to empty a wastepaper basket, filmed from behind a Venetian blind.

Housemaid Jenny Wang had been hoping to buy an LCD television and a “fistful of toys” with her Christmas bonus from Hong Kong actor-singer employer Edison Chen but was last night having to consider other options.

“Edison used to be so generous,” Wang told China Daily Show. “Tips, bonus, perks – you name it. But this month, after working overtime several nights, I found a signed CD of his all-time greatest love songs in my envelope instead of the usual paycheck.”

According to sources, the erstwhile star has a history of using “Chen-morabilia” as a form of currency ever since his giant career suffered a massive setback in 2008, when thousands of explicit photographs erupted on the Internet featuring Chen in sexual poses with various well-known Asian actresses.

Recent examples include paying for a steak dinner with a lock of hair, settling a poker debt using the leather jacket he wore to the premiere of Dog Bite Dog and reaching a deal with angry bailiffs by offering his entire back catalog of unreleased experimental hip-hop in place of interest payments.

But the value of such trinkets is said to be declining. One staff member watched aghast as online bidding on a pair of black swimming trunks, worn by Chen on the cover of the May 2005 issue of Invasive, a celebrity gossip magazine, started and ended with her “enticingly low” offer of 0.99 HKD.

The star plowed millions into security following the pictorial emissions, but staff say Chen has so far had little luck arousing interest from new Chinese starlets in his upcoming independent project, “Untitled Edison Chen Film.”

He has therefore had to devise other ways to fill up the cracks in his dwindling financial situation.

Gardener Paul Kwong described his initial excitement on being handed several CD-ROMS marked “Unseen 12/05/09 HOT!”

“Edison said, ‘The lawn’s never looked so good: enjoy. Merry Christmas,’ then slapped my buttocks playfully,” Kwong recalled. “When I got home, I rushed upstairs to my computer, thrust my disk into the slit and readied myself for some celebrity split-beaver.”

Instead, Kwong watched a five-minute film of Chen’s two golden retrievers –Raspy and Mittens – engaged in shambolic, abrupt sex while being filmed on a mobile phone, during which Chen could be overheard breathing heavily.

“The camera was bobbing up and down uncontrollably,” said Kwong, who stopped viewing when the picture became too blurry and unfocused to properly enjoy.

“It was more ‘ruff, ruff’ than ‘woof woof’,” he later complained to reporters.

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By XING CHOUWEN
Entertainment correspondent

Chau is said to often boast of his prowess in private, friends claim

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – No sooner has Edison Chen announced his return to  singing than the Chinese entertainment industry is set to be rocked by another sex scandal, this time involving CCTV milquetoast James Chau.

Chau is best known as the presenter of CCTV News and Worldwide Watch, both shows recently implicated in a scandal involving a Minnesotan family forced to watch CCTV-9 during a purported ten-hour ordeal.

Chau’s woes were set to increase last night though, after a lengthy sex tape, featuring the host with three unidentified females, began doing the rounds on the Internet.

Lovingly deemed “the sixth fuwa” by admiring Chinese mainlanders, Chau’s unimpressive and effeminate physical features have long convinced an adoring public that the star is, at best, an non-threatening beta male. Viewers of the tape — which China Daily Show has seen excerpts of — report an entirely different impression, however.

During the four-and-a-half hour footage, Chau is seen effortlessly maneuvering between stand-up-69 and “downward-facing-dog”, and performs a number of other positions with practiced aplomb, including advanced techniques such as the “Horizontal Mambo” and the “Rifleman.”

“Holy crap, you have got to be kidding!” was the reaction of “Captain Tofu,” one of many netizens commenting on Mop and Sina, two popular Chinese forums. Other comments included “Go, James! I never knew you had it in you” (“zerogame”) and “Cute… his cock looks like a small, fleshy cork” (“Xinhua4ever”).

But not all reactions were supportive. Many fans felt betrayed, having taken Chau’s clean-cut image to heart. “I had taken down my James Chau doll from the firing place [sic]!” stormed “d67shu” while “ren6ren” complained “Too much… I never wanted to see more than his real head. Now brother has seen both heads! Fuck!”

Some also criticized comments Chau allegedly makes during the tape including “Screw condoms” and “You’ve seen one AIDS victim, you’ve seen them all, I’m telling you. Seriously, move on with your life, people. Chau coming through!”

Chau is the first Chinese mainlander to be appointed a National UNAIDS Goodwill Ambassador for China. A UN representative last night said she was unaware of the tape and could not comment further.

According to one former Cambridge classmate, Matilda Wu, Chau had a well-established reputation as a ladies’ man and amateur swordsman while at the university.

“He was known as ‘Hung Kok’. James was a total player,” Wu told China Daily Show, adding that Chau had also gamely agreed to appear as Mr September in the 1996 Cambridge Student Body Calendar. Representatives of Chau were unavailable for comment at the time of going to press.

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