By DA FEIJI
Lifestyle Correspondent

A migrant archaeologist finds just what he was looking for on Monday

XIAN (China Daily Show) – Call it the ‘Fifth Invention.’ Brothels and erotic scrolls, belonging to a previously undocumented ruling dynasty, have now been sensationally unearthed in central China, experts say.

The new evidence suggests that the world’s oldest civilization may have also invented the world’s oldest profession – a claim that the ruling Communist Party has moved swiftly to refute.

“For a full list of our inventions, please see the document on Xinhua [news agency] entitled the ‘Four Inventions,’” a spokesman said yesterday.

But growing archaeological evidence suggests that Middle Kingdom madames were likely the first.

The long-forgotten Swing Dynasty (385-380 BC) was an epicurean court in a society primarily devoted to endless warfare, according to a team of day laborers working time-and-a-half in the city of Xian.

“The Swing didn’t see the point of constantly falling out with each other,” claims Professor Eimen Von Häffenmast, visiting Professor of Archaeology at the University of Guttenberg, who is closely monitoring the dig. “These johns preferred to make love – not war. Spears, for example, were considered objects of love, rather than conflict.

“Consequently, this highly creative community didn’t stand a chance.”

In the course of their short-lived but immensely popular reign, the Swing are said to have invented the terracotta dildo, proper erotica, the water-calligraphy bed and tabloid journalism – all over a five-year period, during which almost everyone got laid and no one died.

The Swing’s young and well-endowed ruler Long – who contemporaneous scrolls describe coyly as the ‘She’long Emperor’ – apparently established his kingdom half-way through the year 385BC, in the middle of a brief lacuna when marauding rival tribes had simply agreed to take a breather.

Emperor Long supposedly died happy, after choking on ground tiger-bones

Historians are unsure as to the exact origins of the dynasty, however.

The Swing are believed to have been descended from the Jin, who first quarreled with the Han, Zhao, and Wei dynasties but then made alliances to destroy the Zhi – a move later endorsed by the Zhou, but not before the Zhao attacked the Wei, after they had appealed to the Han for some help against the Chu.

In the resulting confusion, the Swing were able to quietly slip in and rule, legalizing polygamy and establishing a successful franchise of upmarket brothel-spas.

The brief interregnum was known colloquially as the ‘Whoring States Period.’

“China often reminds the world of its 5,000-year history and now we are starting to see the real fruits of that,” claims von Häffenmast. “We have also found evidence of a three millenia-old recipe for Kidney Surprise and definitive proof, finally, that syphilis originated somewhere in Henan.”

The She’long Emperor was regarded by his subjects as a laid-back, generous and giving ruler, and is depicted in recently unearthed statues as a long-haired dude, fond of making lewd hand-gestures.

But despite the brevity of its rule, one of the Swing’s major innovations – an equalized system of sexual barter, grounded in Legalism – would later took deep root in the national psyche.

Indeed, von Häffenmast claims, the legacy of the She’long’s rule lives on today – in China’s many neon-lit urban barbershops, attended by smiling peasant girls.

Working tributes to Emperor Long’s flowing locks and fondness for paid sex,  von Häffenmast assures, “can continue to be found in every city, down countless darkened alleyways – which are still also very good places to get some.”

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By WEI SHENG
Sanitation Correspondent

The film features heroic elements of resistance against the Japanese aggressors, and scenes of a Wuxia nature

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – “Maddening structural problems” in the original cut of foreign sci-fi movie Cloud Atlas have now been thoroughly nixed, representatives for China’s State Administration for Radio, Film and Television (SARFT) announced yesterday.

The Chinese edition, released Thursday and retitled Clod Atlas, boasts over 45 fewer minutes of running time, SARFT explained.

“Basically, what we did,” spokesman Li Hexie told a press conference Thursday, “was take out the beginning and put it at the end, then removed the end and put it in the middle. As for the middle, that was the easy part – we did not need it at all!”

Cloud Atlas (2012), directed by the Wachowski siblings and Tim Twyker, tells multiple overlapping stories over multiple time periods involving multiple characters, and performed by multiple actors in multiple roles of varying genders and ethnicity.

Clod Atlas (2013), on the other hand, is the moving story of a doomed Cosplay troupe.

“Our film is far more tragic,” promised Li, who is also Clod Atlas’s new co-director, executive producer and principal screenwriter.

Both China’s two voiceover artists, Ting Hao and Hao Ting, dubbed new dialogue for all the characters, including a new scene written by Hao, involving a pair of hapless, travelling, rival salesmen with the exact same name.

“I liked it better because it confused me,” said Wendy Hong, a Chinese screenwriter who has seen both the Western and Chinese versions. “The film’s theme, “Our lives are not our own,’ intrigued me when it was no more than a hazy, optimistic notion. But in the Chinese version, it actually leaves you depressed and pessimistic.”

Li denied that cuts to several scenes, involving nudity and homosexuality, indicated prudishness and homophobia on the part of SARFT.

“It’s simply a question of feasibility,” Hao said. “It’s important to make films that are believable. The transmigration of souls is an ancient Chinese tradition but dudes kissing other dudes? That’s simply unrealistic.”

Indeed, Hao says, proof of the new version’s superior quality can be seen in the critical reaction.

While Cloud Atlas was widely panned by critics and snubbed by the Oscars, Clod Atlas has already been nominated for 16 Golden Cocks.

Film buffs can follow the blossoming Chinese movie scene by following @chinadailyshow on Twitter

By PA LAOPO
Relationships Correspondent

Zhang loves Ting (right). It’s uncertain how Ting feels about Zhang, however

SHANGHAI (China Daily Show) – Slipping on a matching green top, oversized lens-free spectacles and a pair of comfortable, purple velour tracksuit bottoms, 23-year-old Zhang Lulu today completed his long assimilation into becoming an anatomically incorrect – but otherwise exact – female counterpart of his 24-year-old girlfriend, Tong Ting.

“I just want Ting to be happy,” Zhang simpered. “And if that involves giving up my identity and pandering to her every child-like need, that is really not much to give up – I was pretty vapid to begin with.”

Zhang answered China Daily Show’s question as he sauntered through a housing compound alongside his girlfriend, wearing matching Pleasant Goat and Big Bald Wolf pajamas and hair scrunchie.

Yet Zhang is seemingly unconcerned, or unaware, that his utter absence of any positive masculine attributes could have an adverse effect on his personal life, once Ting tires of him and moves onto her next, febrile, human plaything.

“I will do anything it takes to keep Ting in my life, even if, by doing whatever it takes, I inevitably become an object of contempt to Ting and essentially drive her from my arms,” Zhang smiled pitifully, while staring hard at the back of Ting’s neck. “Does that make any sense? No, I thought not.”

A distracted Ting defended Zhang’s honor after finishing up a phone call with her mother – the seventh of the day.

“I do quite love Zhang. He’s a bit like the sister I never had,” she sighed. “As my parents were not legally permitted to have another child.”

You can follow us at @chinadailyshow on Twitter

By TIANTIAN XIANGSHENG
Education Correspondent

Xiao is very sorry for her behaviour and hopes Ethan can somehow forgive her

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – An English student has spoken of her regret, after drunkenly sabotaging a burgeoning language partnership with an American filmmaker by sleeping with him.

Xiao Lingling, who likes to be called  “Josephine” or “Happy,” placed an advert with an English-language website seeking a native speaker for “language partners, so we can learn each other.”

The ad explained she was “funny, liked family, am easygoing and pretty.”

Within minutes, former Michigan resident Ethan Morgan replied offering assistance. The two met at a downtown coffee shop and quickly hit it off.

“Ethan hadn’t brought any of the study guides we talked about on the email and his Chinese was very poor at the time, but we still managed to learn things from each other,” Xiao recalled. “I taught him to count to five in Chinese, and he showed me how to make the coffee ‘Irish.’”

Unfortunately, Xiao – who also goes by the name of “Sally” or “Dreamcatcher” –  felt dizzy soon afterwards and had to be taken home. It was here, she admitted, that the meeting went awry and the pair ended up in bed together.

“I woke up much later, and Ethan had left a very kind note, saying how much he enjoyed our talk, but that he felt uncomfortable continuing our exchange under the circumstances,” said a tearful Xiao.

“I totally ruined our language partners!”

Morgan didn’t respond to emails but China Daily Show managed to catch up with him by replying to another advert he’d recently placed, seeking “a Chinese friend to swap culture, stories and language. Women only.”

Morgan agreed to discuss the aborted relationship after a few drinks.

“I met Jennifer at Starbucks, where she immediately asked me to call her ‘Fluffy.’ We had a couple of drinks, flirted and went back to hers. That was it, really,” shrugged Morgan, a former student who recently began working on an independent documentary project, which is as yet untitled.

Meanwhile, Xiao says she is determined not to let the matter affect her further education.

“I’m putting this mistake behind me,” she said. “I have already met a very nice English man on the subway, called Bernard. He is eager to meet us at a place called the Vic’s Club, next Friday at midnight.”

Follow this and other top China stories at @chinadailyshow on Twitter

By XIAO DIDI
Politics Correspondent

Lady Gugu: Beijing has released the first photographic evidence of Gu’s package (Image: LOLA)

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – The endgame in the Bo Xilai case may have finally been reached, after full blame was attached by a Hefei court to Bo’s wife, Gu Kailai– now revealed to have a secret attachment of her own.

A well-connected source – said to be Gu’s balls – admitted that Gu’s malevolent meatstick was directly connected to British businessman Neil Heywood’s death.

Sweating closely from beneath what is believed to be a full-sized she-dick, Madam Gu’s testicles told judges that their owner was definitely a “malignant bitch” – or words, our legal source said, that were essentially similar to almost being the same.

The closed-door trial comes at a tense time for the Chinese government, as the government prepares for a disputed once-a decade leadership transition, while attempting to depict disgraced former Party Secretary Bo’s wife as a homicidal Lady Macbeth figure.

Now, sources say, confirmation that Gu is a transgender bitch-on-wheels could at last draw a veil over the long-running theory that she is simply a convenient scapegoat, albeit one highly corrupt and fairly typical of certain female characters in Chinese literature and history.

“Short of claiming she is the living reincarnation of the evil Empress-Dowager Cixi, we’re done with Gu Kailai,” an exhausted prosecutor told China Daily Show.

“Thank God this is almost over,” said one foreign journalist. “I really couldn’t take much more of this ridiculous story.”

Phallic facts about the hot-air balloon-traveling Gu are already piling up online to confirm the speculations.

“Gu definitely has a monstrous junk,” one shocked eyewitness told the Internet. “She would sometimes give it its own military uniform, so it could strut around like a Generalissimo.”

Some wonder why this information has only just emerged.

“No one noticed this before but after about two months into the investigation, someone did notice it,” the prosecutor explained. “We always knew Gu Kulai wanted to be with a Politburo member – but not like this.”

Both these people have penises  –but only one is evil

The revelation of Gu’s wicked Johnson has revolted even hardened pricks in the Chinese government.

But, analysts say, the existence of Gu’s veiny masculine appendage could help provide a neat conclusion to the current political crisis.

“This sort of thing doesn’t happen very often, except in Germany, obviously,” said a source close to the investigation. “However, it does mean now we can pin this entire situation on one witch-like woman and her wily wang.”

The source added that the case was not political but that Gu had nevertheless presented a credible threat to China’s political stability.

“The last thing an aging bunch of male rulers need is the appearance of a stiff  but feminine symbol of Chinese power,” he explained. “After all, they have Xi Jinping.”

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By BERT N’ERNAI
Relationships Correspondent

Jiang says she has spent her whole life waiting for this moment

DONGGUAN (China Daily Show) – In a move that has stunned long-time observers of the Professional Mistress League (PML), notably lissom arm-candy Jiang Bingfling, 16, has been been promoted to the Beijing Premier Division.

The fragrant rising star of Shenzhen’s “Mistress Village,” Jiang – known as the ‘Camomile Concubine’ –has been a mainstay of the vibrant southern boomtown’s Lo Wu district league since she qualified aged 13.

The trade was officially announced as being made to an “anonymous Beijing bureaucrat,” in exchange for two future draft-picks for Jiang’s former owner, the Hong Kong playa and tobacco-flavoring millionaire, 63-year-old Vincent “Sammy” Kwok.

The ernai exchange followed months of tense negotiations, which began after Kwok told friends he was “looking for perhaps a bit more variety” to complement his Guangdong-based PML league.

The PML has been mired in controversy since actress Zhang Ziyi, a long-time friend of disgraced politician Bo Xilai, publicly transferred herself to nearby Hong Kong. The move was widely seen as an attempt to disprove allegations that she was the PML’s top scorer, boasting payments of $1 million per match.

Jiang’s new bureaucrat-boss is believed to be Hu Yong, 55, head honcho at the Beijing Department of Floral Science. Sources say Hu has had his eye on the long-limbed Jiang since seeing her perform at an after-hours trade meeting in Guangzhou with Kwok, and now wanted to “put another kind of appendage on her” – namely, his wrinkled mouth.

“Though he had already heard tell of her deft moves, Jiang’s skillful throat and innocent talent for the songs of both Cantonese “heavenly angel” Wang Fei [aka Fay Wong] and Mandopop hit-machine Jolin Tsai endeared her to Hu’s heart forever,” said the friend. “He wanted to bang her on the spot, but instead began formal negotiations with Kwok shortly after.”

Hu says he is looking forward to playing away for much of this season

Kwok, who had talent-spotted Jiang in a KTV bar six weeks earlier, is said to be delighted with the deal.

“Sammy felt the relationship had gone as far as it could go,” said a source to Kwok. “Jiang was also seen as very last-season. There’s no shortage of rural talent in Shenzhen and seemingly no end to Sammy’s wealth and peremptory boredom.”

Jiang will receive a two-bedroom furnished flat in Beijing’s exclusive Diaoyutai No 7 Complex in Haidian district, jade goods worth an estimated 20,000 yuan and unlimited free Wifi. In return, she is expected to provide “agreeable and demure comforts” to Hu in the sporadic moments when he can slip away from his wife, family, official duties and numerous other mistresses.

“It’s a great deal for Jiang,” said a top PML agent. “Hu’s last girlfriend went on ‘the great shopping trip to the sky,’ after threatening to blackmail him.”

The lucky Lolita seemed to agree.

Speaking from a bath of asses’ milk and lotus petals, between long periods of tedium and plaiting her hair, Jiang listlessly told China Daily Show she was “grateful for the opportunity” and is currently hard at work perfecting her puppy noises.

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By QU JIA
Travel Correspondent

Howard is willing to expand his horizons – even if that includes dating 22-year-olds

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – A middle-aged US male has struck romantic gold, after visiting China and discovering he is actually remarkably handsome.

Howard G. Hallbecker, who has never considered himself anything other than average-looking, had only ever previously dated two women: one his high-school sweetheart, the other a brief fling with a colleague following his divorce.

But that all changed after Hallbecker visited China.

“Turns out I’m actually ‘handsome, rugged and mature,’” a perplexed Hallbecker told media yesterday. “I just wish someone had told me this a few years ago. Then maybe I wouldn’t have had that breakdown.”

Hallbecker’s visit to China was arranged through Hearts Abroad, a US travel agency that specializes in group tours for singles. Their Wonders of the Orient package offers middle-aged singletons a 21-day holiday with like-minded citizens at reasonable rates.

“I decided to give myself a treat after three years of agonizing and expensive legal battles with my ex-wife,” explained Hallbecker. Just how much of a treat only became apparent after the group arrived in the People‘s Republic, however.

“I had hoped to maybe make a connection with one of the other American ladies on the trip,” the 48-year-old kitchen salesman admitted. “Sadly, none seemed interested. In fact, most of them only seemed to care about whether or not they would be forced to eat dog.”

Instead, the slightly overweight, heavily bearded East Coaster found love in the most unlikely of places: a Chinese hospital.

“Hankie come in with nervous heart, and he walk too much, I think!” giggled student nurse Mai Li, whose English name is ‘Joyful Peach.’ The 21-year-old treated Hallbecker for suspected heart palpitations following a hike on the Great Wall –and the two quickly became close.

“I practice my English with him and, quickly, I see he is very handsome man: big beard, big belly, big nose.. just all big, actually, yes,” Mai explained.

Now Hallbecker has abandoned his fellow tour groupies – currently bound for a tour of the Terracotta Army in Xian – in favour of spending more time with Mai.

But not everyone supports his decision.

“I think it’s a disgrace – yes, I do!” fumed fellow traveller Grace Palmetto, a 47-year-old divorcee from Florida, also booked on the Hearts Abroad tour. “A man of his age behaving that way… why, it makes my blood boil. This has completely put me off singles’ holidays. Forever.”

And after seeing a picture of Mai Li, Hallbecker’s ex-wife Jolene Peterson – currently studying for her real estate license – has advised China Daily Show to direct all future communication through her lawyer.

Follow this and other top China stories at @chinadailyshow on Twitter

By Jin Dabenda
Tourism Correspondent

Discovering “He’s a she” can be the ultimate disappointment

BANGKOK (China Daily Show) — Wang Ge was excited: For months, the junior government official had been reading of his compatriots’ adventures in the steamy Thai capital. Now he was finally visiting himself.

Particularly of interest were the country’s many post-op transsexuals, or “ladyboys,” an object of enduring fascination to many holidaying Chinese.

Which is how Wang ended up at a drag show on the capital’s famous Soi Cowboy, cradling a cold Singha in one hand and a six-foot, 140-pound “woman” in the other.

Except “she” wasn’t a “woman” at all – she was, in fact, an actual woman.

“When I took her back to her cramped apartment, I had drunk many beers, maybe three, so I was dizzy and confused. I didn’t know what I was doing, as we began kissing and taking off each others’ clothes,” Wang admitted.

Things progressed to the bedroom, where Wang undressed his companion, only to find a pair of magnificent breasts – and a neatly trimmed vagina.

“I immediately rushed to the bathroom and was violently sick,” Wang recalled. “Maybe it was the beer but one thing I do know is: she was no ladyboy.”

Wang’s experience is not uncommon. A surge in tourism from the Chinese mainland has exposed an apparent shortage of proper, anatomically correct male-to-female transsexuals in Thailand, experts say, and many clubs and bars are now resorting to using real-life women to make up the shortfall.

“A proper ladyboy should look, smell and feel like a fraulein but have small identifying marks only a connoisseur could recognize,” waxed gender-reassignment expert Dr Klaus Von Eimmenheim.

“Her delicate hands seem a trifle large, perhaps. Her jaw might be firm –a little too firm. And of course, when you remove her underwear, there should be a very distinct, yet small, pizzle. This is most important.”

As Western economies struggle to recover from the 2008 financial crisis, nouveau riche and cadres in China are enjoying a travel boom. Many signs in go-go bars and brothels across South-East Asia now feature Chinese characters alongside the usual Thai, English and Bavarian.

But the sudden transgender shortage threatens this boom period for Thailand’s vital tourism industry.

Sexually ambivalent Chinese men are now finding themselves even more confused when, after an alcohol-fueled night, they end up in bed with someone they assumed was a young girl, realized was a man, hoped was a ladyboy but turned out, instead, to be none of the above.

Tourist chiefs have urged calm.

“We welcome Chinese and all foreigners to enjoy our fine array of prostitutes –  of every conceivable gender,” read the Twitter feed of the Pattayan Tourist Board on Wednesday.

Deputy Minister of Health Somboon Pakchala said there was absolutely no cause for alarm.”There’s no actual shortage of potential Thai ladyboys,” he assured.

“We have thousands of  effete young men ready, willing and able to make the cut,” Pakchala told China Daily Show.

In the interim, long-term farang offered their advice on avoiding any unpleasant surprises.

“There’s one failsafe way to check and that is to ask,” advised amateur  expert Bill Wiggins. “If it’s a woman, she’ll maybe shout at you. But if it’s a ladyboy, she’ll kick the shit out of you.”

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By WEI CHUGUI
Technology Correspondent

Straight men celebrate the website's closure yesterday in Shanghai

BEIJING (China Daily Show) –  It’s the news anxious mothers have been waiting for: a foreign website luring innocent, single men into same-sex relations has finally been blocked on the mainland, ensuring their “little emperors” can finally settle down with the nice girl they introduced them to last New Year.

“My sole reason for living has been taken away from me,” said Hu Jun, 28.  “So I guess I’ll just have to succumb to constant parental nagging, screw that hot 27-year-old from accounts who keeps giving me looks, then marry her.”

For years, campaigners have pointed to Dutch website Heavenly Mandate as the chief reason for the country’s soaring homosexual statistics.

Homosexuality was effectively decriminalized in China in 1997 with the abolition of an archaic law that branded it as a form of “hooliganism.” However,  it wasn’t until 2001 that the Chinese Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of mental diseases. Official estimates currently put the number of homosexuals in China at around 30 million, though this is considered by many a conservative guess.

“Nothing else explains it,” said pollster Liu Bao. “Ever since we began compiling numbers in 2004, the amount of men admitting to having sexual relations with other men has risen. And this website came out at roughly the same time.”

Lin says that Heavenly Mandate’s own statistics – which it uses to support the case that it’s providing a legal service for consenting adults – literally don’t add up.

“Heavenly Mandate only supplies figures for users who say they are gay. But it doesn’t give any data for heterosexual clicks. So it’s completely skewed. Furthermore, the website doesn’t offer heterosexual male users any alternatives for dating except with other men. So straight visitors have no choice but to sleep with them. It’s shameless.”

Lin says that the site has seduced many unwary males into unwitting same-sex practices. One traumatized user said he had no idea that fellatio, rimming and ‘tea-bagging’ weren’t normal, red-blooded activities until Chengdu police caught him in a five-man conga at a bathhouse.

“He told police that he’d never had time for a wife, so went looking on the Internet. His search brought him to this website, and then various hotel rooms across Sichuan,” said Lin. “This tragedy would never have happened were it not for this site.” A spokesman for Heavenly Mandate refused to comment.

A Confucian tradition of filial piety in China means children are primarily expected to look after their parents in old age and provide offspring. Many parents cannot understand why their children haven’t married and produced heirs by the time they’ve reached puberty, experts say.

Government officials say the website has been interfering with that process, which has seen huge numbers of bachelors unable to find wives in a materialistic society highly critical of individual choice.

White-collar worker Huang, 25, says he stumbled across Heavenly Mandate while searching for Yellow Emperor, a classic 1978 Hong Kong film. “It’s not a gay film, although it does contain lesbian scenes,” Huang admitted.

Nevertheless, when a horny Huang signed up for a Mandate account, he found himself bombarded with messages from other Chinese men – many seemingly in the same predicament.

“A lot of them said they were also straight; some even said they were married.  But when we met up for tea at their place, they fucked me instead,” Huang recalled. “This kept happening. No matter how many times I went back.”

Follow this and other top China stories at @chinadailyshow on Twitter.

By QING TAN
Society Correspondent

Fey registers an impressive 4.5 on ratemyschlong.com

BEIJING (China Daily Show) – Sorry, ladies! It looks like Beijing’s most eligible bachelor might have finally hung up his dancing shoes.

Bespectacled expat Russell Fey (pictured, right) has been a mainstay on the capital’s singleton scene ever since his arrival in 2004.

The 46-year-old IT expert, who sports an impressive pate atop thinning hair, wowed local ladies with his good looks and anecdotes about computers and life back home in Canada.

Fey soon notched up an impressive array of bedroom conquests. But according to Beijing society expert Shan Jingping of BeijingDoll.com, the Vancouver lover-man may have split his last condom.

“Russell exclusively bellowed into my ear at a Gongti nightclub last Friday that he’s ‘sick of The Game,’” the gossip queen cooed on her blog last Sunday. According to Shan, Fey has decided to choose one lucky lady to settle down with.

“Unbelievable!” said one commenter. “I faint!” admitted another.

But who is this mystery minx who has captured the rumpled Romeo’s attentions?

Ask roommate, and long-time wingman, “Bald” John Archibald: “Russell has been cagey about it, ever since he came back from a two-week temple holiday in Phuket,” Archibald admitted. “But I reckon it must be someone pretty special because he’s even talked about selling his beloved MacBook Air to pay from some surgical procedure.”

Self-confessed “LA pussy hound” Lay Kwong tweeted that Team Beijing had “lost another good man” but rambled that he himself would keep “fighting the fight against the haters and the skanks.”

China Daily Show caught up with the Sanlitun swordsman at his favorite Beijing hunting ground, the Hard Rock Cafe. “How did I know she was the one?” Fey smiled at the question. “When she asked me to open a joint bank account – that’s when I knew.”

As for exact figures about the notches on the bedpost of Beijing’s answer to Warren Beatty, the facts are sketchy. A consummate gentleman, Fey declined to give exact names or even numbers concerning his former sexual partners. But, he did coyly admit, “They definitely exist.”

Despite his rumored prowess, though, Fey’s manners were never less than impeccable, friends say. “Russell always paid for their taxi fares home,” Archibald recalled. “Even when some of them lived as far away as Hebei.”

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