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Tibet, Xinjiang vital to keep China chicken-shaped: WikiLeaks

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Tibet, Xinjiang vital to keep China chicken-shaped: WikiLeaks


By Ken Deji
Politics Correspondent

Mao Zedong believed that unifying China's rooster shape in 1951 gave him a 'heavenly mandate' to behave like a cock.

BEIJING (China Daily Show) — A senior Ministry of Interior Affairs official has claimed that the principal reason behind China’s annexation of Tibet and Xinjiang was to ensure future maps of Chinese territory form the exact shape of a giant chicken, documents released by WikiLeaks have revealed.

The highly emotional meeting, between minister Lu Penghuai and US diplomats, took place in June 2008, after riots in the Tibetan “tail feathers” region were dramatically quashed by state security forces.

If true, the documents could provide a tantalizing explanation as to why Beijing is so keen to retain regions whose non-Han populaces have plainly displayed great antipathy towards the Chinese government.

“The world’s greatest cultures all stemmed from countries shaped like recognizable objects,” Lu remarked to his anonymous American counterpart.

“Italy, cradle of the Roman Empire and later founder-nation of both fascism and the shoe industry is shaped like a boot. Australia, leading light of the Southern hemisphere and dogged participant in both World Wars, looks like the noble head of a Scottish terrier.

“And, of course, the UK, birthplace of the world’s largest empire, is shaped like a giant witch with a pig under her arm. If we allowed the great China’s chicken’s wings and tail to be clipped, how could we hope to succeed as a nation?” Lu asked bemused diplomats.

“It was a firm belief of Chairman Mao’s [Zedong, the former Communist leader who invaded Tibet in 1950] that if China were shaped like a chicken it would give us the feng shui edge over the United States,” explained Professor Wang Ying of the National Cartography Bureau. “Mao used to joke that the US looks like nothing and that, if you ditch Alaska and Hawaii, its closest resemblance is to Cyprus, which he found pathetic.”

Tibet, conjoined with Yunnan and Sichuan provinces, form the chicken’s “thighs and buttocks,” said Professor Wang as he elaborated on the concept, while its wings spread over the Yangtze and Yellow river basins. The addition of Xinjiang allows the bird to “spread its wings.”

Mao’s ‘Reunite the Chicken’ campaign remained a secret Politburo strategy throughout the first few decades of Communist rule. Sympathy with China’s plight during World War Two, when, in Wang’s words, “our great bird’s head [Manchuria] was sliced off by the vicious katana of Japanese imperialists,” secured the return of the three large provinces in the north east from former allies the Soviet Union, before the relationship between the two soured after Stalin’s death.

Today, every schoolchild knows the country as the Dong Fang Xiong Ji or ‘Oriental Rooster’ and Chairman Mao’s war diaries and political works are full of references to the chicken as the “most resourceful of all birds.”

In his popular 1948 essay, On Poultry and the Exploitation of the Masses, Mao remarks: “How like the Chinese peasant are the fowl he tends! We eat their meat and eggs, stuff mattresses with their feathers, make soup from their bones and use their droppings as fertilizer. What better symbol for the Chinese people, so useful when broken down into their component pieces?”

Historians had previously assumed that Tibet and Xinjiang –  in which incidents of ethnic unrest   have left 14 dead and 27 dead in July alone – were seized to create buffer zones against the then-Soviet Union in the North and India in the South, as well as ensure control over their precious natural resources.

But during a fraught exchange that took place at the Ministry of Interior Affairs, an annoyed Minister Lu is said to have lost patience with that view.

“[Tibet and Xinjiang] are impractically remote, poor as dirt and [the native Tibetan and Uighur peoples] all hate us. They drain massive amounts of money to remain even barely functional. Who the hell would want them?” leaked cables report Lu as screaming.

“Unless, of course, incorporating them into our sovereign territory allowed our national border to form the shape of a barnyard animal,” he said, pausing to catch his breath before adding, “Which they do, and it’s great.”

This admission explains why former US President George W Bush’s alleged clucking and making of ‘chicken-wing’ gestures during bilateral talks in the run-up to the 2003 invasion of Iraq failed to prevent China opposing UN sanctions against Saddam Hussein. “We thought it was a compliment,” remarked Lu.

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WikiLeaks: Tiananmen Tank Man was just ‘short-sighted grandpa’

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WikiLeaks: Tiananmen Tank Man was just ‘short-sighted grandpa’


By WANG WEI
Political Correspondent

A 1989 trip to Jingkelong may have turned fatal for Liu, now an unwitting national icon

BEIJING (Agencies) – US embassy cables from 1989 have revealed that the man famously pictured blocking a tank during democracy demonstrations in Tiananmen Square was mistakenly trying to hail a bus.

In a revelation likely to rewrite history, diplomatic transcripts published by the WikiLeaks website reveal that the iconic ‘Tank Man,’ seen standing off a column of Chinese Type 59 tanks the morning after the June 4 incident, was in fact 76-year-old Beijing resident and ardent Communist Liu Yong.

Dressed in a white shirt, 1940s-style hat and clutching two bags, Liu apparently set off from his nearby Qianmen home that morning with the intention of doing some shopping.

Wife Chen Na told local activists, who later informed US diplomats, that Liu “was confused perhaps in the head, but urged himself to buy some items for our children. He heard many explosions and thought it was New Year.”

Classified transcripts from the tank commander’s unit, shown to a diplomatic source, conclude that Liu mistook the tank for bus 224 and stood in front to hail it.

According to the transcript, the commander, a member of the Hebei Province No. 24 Army Group, then asked, “Grandfather! What are you doing? We have an important national mission. Please remove yourself from the people’s tank.”

Liu reportedly explained he had emptied his wallet on dumplings and Spring Festival party favors and had only just enough to return home.

“New Year? Please, come aboard, Grandfather, and we will deliver you home,” the documents conclude.

Despite his apparent innocence of state sedition, however, Liu’s fate is still unknown.

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WikiLeaks: British PM offered China Northern Ireland as ‘gift’

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WikiLeaks: British PM offered China Northern Ireland as ‘gift’


By WANG WEI
Political Correspondent

Cameron's attempt to solve an Irish stew may have landed him in chop suey

LONDON (China Daily Show) – In a gesture intended to cement relations between the two nations, Britain’s Prime Minister David Cameron offered Chinese hosts Northern Ireland as a parting gift following a recent trade delegation, according to documents released by WikiLeaks yesterday.

“Northern Ireland has been part of China since ancient times,” Cameron told President Hu Jintao in a November 30 US Embassy cable entitled “Wily Brits Try to Solve Irish Question by Dumping it On China.”

“According to our foreign ministry source, Cameron told the Hu that Britain signed a 400-year lease on Ireland in 1610, and the British now ‘welcome – deeply welcome, in fact – this opportunity to return it,’” ambassador Jon Huntsman wrote.

The source goes on to divulge that China’s ownership of Northern Ireland was “discovered” after scholars at the British Library unearthed new papers on 15th century Chinese Admiral Zheng He’s voyages. The documents allegedly reveal that Belfast was originally founded as a Chinese settlement known as beifa, or “Northern Law.”

The idea of giving China Northern Ireland first emerged in the lead-up to the handover of Hong Kong in 1997 when a desperate Margaret Thatcher suggested the troubled nation to then-leader, Jiang Zemin, in exchange for keeping the port city, offering to “throw in a three-bedroom, 17th-century house in the Cotswold, with original features, fishing rights and access to local amenities, including a charming post office,” as a sweetener, the cables relay.

China drew up contingency preparations to welcome Northern Ireland back to the Motherland, including the creation of a new “Irish” ethnicity, promising that all Irish families will be allowed to have as many as two children without impediment. Blueprints for rebuilding laogai at Long Kesh were prepared by competing architects, “until Jiang decided he’d just rather have the bloody island back,” Thatcher is quoted as saying.

Irish ministers were apparently eager to follow the example of their Northern brethren, but a Chinese official is said to have stated “There’s eternal China, and there’s $70 billion in debt, and we know the difference.”

According to contemporaneous records obtained by China Daily Show, Admiral Zheng’s account of his visit to Ireland depicts “a strange and barbarian people, much given to quarreling among themselves.”

“In this country,” the account continues, “there is a large land animal called the Celtic Tiger. When it travels across the countryside its leavings are of gold and has a bellow that makes it seem much stronger than it is.”

In Zheng’s account, the natives were said to be “most keen to join the Imperial Union, but reluctant to donate tribute, claiming that since they were the weakest and we the strongest, we should provide them with tribute to make them strong.”

Noted historian, philanthropist and Sinologist Sir William Buckfast said that the leaked cable came as no surprise to him.

“Britain has a long  and proud history of dumping unwanted goods on China,” Buckfast told China Daily Show, “be they ‘recyclables,’ opium or Ireland.”

The leak comes as China seeks to expand its borders, recently calling upon Norway to return an obscure fjord conquered in 1349 as “Genghis Khan’s favorite whoring sector.”

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China WikiLink let us see the honest hardworking politician: Official Report

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China WikiLink let us see the honest hardworking politician: Official Report


OFFICIAL REPORT

By GONG CHANDANG
Ministry of Truth Spokesperson

BEIJING (Official Report) — Fear of release of the classified document are now okay, because the detail only show the honest hardworking politician who always thought WHAT WILL CONFUCIUS SAY?

Whereas, the document had now been link to the public, had confirm the suspicion of we Chinese that our leaders had let the country to develop and flourish increasingly without the misconduct, it was nothing to worry about at all really.

As you know, WikiLink is part of the Western’s media: “full of lies.” In fact, the leader had been a rapist many times, and also lied several times. It is very clear.

Although, Ministry of Truth had determine by use of scientist that several of the WikiLink was, in fact, true, for examples: CIA, FBI, Dalai Lama, Falun Gong, and so on, ETC.,

These days, our Ministry of Truth had now collected almost all of the WikiLink document for the scientific analysis and determine the legitimate one and the Western one.

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Ministry of Truth had examined the Western rumors carefully

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