Those Ling Jihua golf secrets in full

A man plays on an illegal golf course somewhere

A man plays on an illegal golf course somewhere

Ling Wancheng, brother of the chief aide to former President Hu Jintao, Ling Jihua, has denied leaking state secrets to US officials, claiming he emigrated to America only to “share golf secrets.” China Daily Show has accessed some of Ling’s exclusive pro tips

  • In 1986, a dedicated PLA ‘Unit 18’ was established to learn the “secrets of Western capitalist sport” by stealing ESPN on cable
  • Today, courses in China are designed according to elaborate feng shui alignment that keeps all the peasants out
  • Political cliques can often be identified on the fairway. Ling Jihua, for example, particularly enjoyed a foursome with Rui Chenggang
  • Tiger Woods is widely studied among top cadres as a Foreign Expert for his exceptional mistress handicap
  • Jingshan Park was nearly sold to a private developer in 2004 but the plan was stymied by Hu Jintao, who prefers croquet
  • Zhou Yongkang’s favorite mistress is buried somewhere on the 18th hole of the Diaoyutai State Guesthouse
  • Baidu’s Baidupedia is regularly updated to reassure President Xi Jinping that his backswing is powerful, 130 is a perfectly good score and nobody is “letting him win”
  • There’s a hit out on Dan Washburn

For more red-hot swinging action, look out for Ling Jihua’s Golfing Secrets of the Politburo, coming this summer from Causeway Books

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