Wen Jiabao ‘critical’ after passers-by ignore fallen Premier


Accident Correspondent

Premier Wen, pictured with one of his top advisers

LHASA (China Daily Show) – Lawmakers in China are finally considering a “Good Samaritan” law after Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao was left to writhe in agony at a peace rally in Lhasa, Tibet.

The 69-year-old’s ankle is in “critical” condition after Wen tripped and fell while climbing the speaker’s podium.

Video footage posted on microblogs sites — and swiftly deleted — show a 10,000-strong crowd ostensibly checking their phones as the stricken Premier screams in agony. The mood only visibly relaxes after 28 minutes, by which time the exhausted Wen was reduced to mere soft moaning.

Amazingly, the rally continued with local leaders carefully stepping over Wen’s prostate form as they made their way to the stage.  At one point, an embarrassed Beijing mayor, Guo Jinlong, reportedly stepped on Wen’s outstretched hand and was on the brink of apology before shuffling off to join cadres.

“I thought about calling 110 [China’s emergency number] on my mobile,” PLA Lieutenant-General Xu Qiliang told foreign media later.  “But then I figured somebody else must have done it already and I really didn’t want to get involved.”

The crowd’s apparent indifference likely stems from a number of well-publicized “Bad Samaritan” incidents, most notably that of Peng Yu, who was sued in 2008 by an old woman he stopped to help. A Nanjing court controversially ruled it was “common sense” that the only reason anyone would offer to help a stranger is if they caused the injury in the first place.

But nationwide indifference to senior spills reached epidemic proportions after the infamous “Shandong Shan” case in 2009. Then, 74-year-old Meng Shan accused an unwitting helper of not only having knocked her down in the first place, but of breaking into her house, moving things around at night and turning her grandchildren against her.

So far, the government’s sole response has been a 41-page document, Technical Guidelines for Preventing and Treating Falls by the Elderly, released earlier this month after the news broke that falls are a now a leading cause of elderly death.

Alas, the Ministry of Health’s report came too late for Wen, who was eventually helped to hospital after the square emptied by a pair of monks, abetted by Jars Svjornblader, a visiting Norwegian.

“We must all help each other if society is to remain groovy,” explained the 37-year old Svornjablader. “In Norway, the state provides counseling and financial support to help deal with the trauma of causing hurt to another, of course.

“It is like the band Bloodskull says: ‘When the smitten axeman loses a leg/His swordsbrother must help/To rape the bloody nun.’”

As of press time, however, Wen’s family were suing Svjornblader, claiming he not only knocked Wen down but his dog also bit him. Svjornblader responded by saying he may counter-sue.

His lawyers told media:  “The Premier is widely known for faking pain and this is his best performance yet.”

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